Monday, August 5, 2013

Incubus Dreams--chapter 70-72

It's out! It's out! It's out it's out it's out it's out!


Meanwhile, back on the farm...

It's probably TMI but I spent most of today contemplating self-evisceration via half-dead batteries. The next person who tells me that it's the media telling me periods suck is going to experience very severe pain. If I become excited by dental emergencies because that means I'll get another prescription for pain killers I can horde JUST FOR MY PERIODS, that means the goddamn things fucking hurt. This is not a gift from the Moon Mother, I am not enjoying my femininity. I hurt. Severely. 

This is why you have seen very little social media stuff from me today. OW.

So how's Anita doing?

...She's gone home. Apparently, if vampires are a meth lab and the cops are doing a raid, Anita is Haz-mat.

Neighborhoods everywhere are now screaming in terror. WHAT DID HAZ MAT EVER DO TO DESERVE THAT COMPARISON? Two random members of Haz Mat do not collapse into a puddle of oral on top of the battery-acid-and-nasal-OTC decongestant mixture.

Also, she's sitting on Vittorio's address until dawn.


PLEASE don't let this chapter devolve into a sex scene PLEASE don't let it devolve PLEASE.

Anita is shaking because of what she did to the vampire. GEE I WOULD HOPE SO. She literally blew his head off. She shot him, and then kept on shooting him, until the top part of his head was gone. Micah is here to comfort her and tell her it is alright that she just shot a vampire into tiny pieces while a few thousand other vampires watched in horror. She meant well.

Micah asks why she killed him. She says that he was a serial killer and he says "Well, you had to kill him."

Fine. But she didn't have to torture him with bullets first. YOU DON'T DO THAT SHIT AND STILL BE GOOD, ANITA. YOU JUST DON'T.

Oh, Ronnie's called. She's at a strip club called Incubus Dreams. She just broke up with Louie because of the whole "marry me please" thing and she wants to "do something he'll regret in the morning." But she's too drunk now and she needs a ride.  Nate tells Anita that ID is the club where you get "happy endings" if you know what I mean, so they have to go rescue Ronnie from herself.

Anita literally calls having sex with a male stripper "a fate worse than death".

I. am. not. kidding.

End chapter. Next chapter: We get a description about a strip club. It's not quite a description of the strip club because we don't get anything beyond "It sits by itself beside the river. It sits by itself beside the river. Have I mentioned this yet? It sits by itself. Beside the river."

We get two pages dedicated to how the music is too loud.

Anita keeps looking for Ronnie.  She meets a man who thinks that Micah and Nate are gay and who ignores her until she offers him money for wherever Ronnie is. Apparently somebody named "Dallas" has taken Ronnie to the back room, because they don't get a lot of pretty girls there. They pay this dude forty bucks to take them to Ronnie.

Anita spends the entire time talking about how this club doesn't measure up to Guilty Pleasures.

Also: apparently Anita cannot handle the Full Monty:

They did total nudity across the river, how could I have forgotten? What I wanted to do was run screaming, but instead I let Owen maneuver us toward the black-draped area across from the bar.

Yeah, but it's the prudes who are ruining LKH's career. They can't handle the mountains of sex. Her main character wants to run screaming from a stripper's penis that isn't even pointed at her, but it's the prudes reading the books that are ruining her career.

The chapter ends. Next chapter:

We get a legal definition of a lap dance. Okay...

Whoever this Dallas is, I really hope he's on the up-and-up, because I'm getting that "We're saving a mundie from torture" vibe and I really wanted Ronnie to be okay. She's still mostly sane.

...I take it back. Ronnie is well past the cut off stage of drunk, and she and Dallas are pawing each other and maybe having fun? (does it count if you're so drunk you can't remember it?)

People keep trying to pay Micah and Nate for sex. I think we're supposed to find this funny. What I find funny is how very, very akward Anita is around scantily clad people. YOU ARE DATING STRIPPERS AND YOUR MAIN SQUEEZE OWNS A CLUB. YOU SPEND THE ENTIRE BOOK CRITICIZING PEOPLE FOR HAVING MORALS. THAT GIRL YOU JUST DESCRIBED IS WEARING A SEE-THROUGH-DRESS. BIG. WHOOP.

The prepositions get more frequent and forceful until finally Anita has to pull her gun and badge out. Well, so much for traveling incognitio. Nate mentions that the dude trying to get them to go off for a fivesome in a hot tub is a guy who recruits VERY young male prostitutes. Anita gets fed up with all this and drags Ronnie out of the back rooms. Ronnie protests very loudly until they make it outside--no real mention if Ronnie gets her clothes back on before they make it out--and Ronnie starts retching. Anita holds her and thinks about how this is true friendship.

...Anita, it's kind of telling that she only called you when she was so drunk she needed the ride.

 And that's when Anita finds the dead body. Male, but a stripper who fits the profile.

She calls Zerbowski. He realizes that it's bad news that the state cops will get there before he does, because Anita is on real thin ice with them and I am sure the stuff at the CoEL is not helping. He warns her. She blows him off.

The cops show up, and I think if this book had been rather longer in the plot department I'd understand why Sherrif Melvin Christopher is bad news. But I don't give a fuck, because the chapter is over and I can go to bed now.

Sleep tight, my lovelies.


  1. Have you spoken to a doctor about your periods? My packsister always had a day of cramps so bad she spent it throwing up and while the codeine she was prescribed helped with the pain it didn't do much for her ability to be coherent, so they swapped her through a couple of kinds of birth control until they hit one that made her symptoms pretty mild. #hugs#

    1. It's on the list.

      The dumb part is once the period is over I'll forget all about it until the next time.

      Birth control did help a lot when I was on it. I'd just forget to take it and skew my body chemistry again. I'm considering the shot type just to see if that will work.

    2. One of my tumblr kids had great luck with the implant. another one likes the ring. I guess it's just try until you see what works. In the meantime, may I suggest a hot water bottle? Even in the middle of summer it's worth it.

  2. So this is just all kinds of slut-shaming aimed at Ronnie, isn't it? First it's "OMG you don't want to marry your boyfriend WTF is wrong with you girl?" and now it's "OMG strippers are nasty and dirty and you're going to have sex with one because only nasty dirty sluts don't want to marry their boyfriend." I mean Jesus deep-fried Christ on a stick, the slut-shaming is built into the narrative fabric of the Anitaverse.

    1. I didn't look at it that way before, but WOW. Yep, that's definitely there, now that I'm looking.

      LKH seems to have two storytelling settings "Rescue" and "Sex". If Anita's not fucking, she's coming to the rescue. Which would be great if, you know, Anita having sex weren't boring to the point of self harmimg to make the pain go away, and if Anita ever rescued somebody from a situation that neither the third party nor herself were at fault for.

      Seriously. Anita rescues Nate from a club in Narcissus in Chains, and HEAVILY implies that it's Nate's fault he's being kidnapped. She rescues Gregory, because it's her fault he got kidnapped. She rescues Micah, who got kidnapped because of her. The plot REVOLVES around her, and it feels as if no events are out of her control.

      I mean, yeah, she's a Mary Sue, but goddamn it, it's FUCKING ANNOYING.

      *watches Affliction's numbers sink to make herself feel better*

    2. Fun fact - when Affliction first dropped, my store received 12 copies. Three weeks later, we still had 10. Granted, Wheeling isn't exactly a bustling metropolis, but it's not a tiny village either. I took heart in this trend. ;)

      And huge sympathies for your uterus issues, definitely try to see a doc about that. :( Your comment about it not being a gift from the Moon Mother was epic, though, lol!

    3. I have been watching Affliction's death plunge from the charts with great amusement.

      It has sold HALF of what Kiss the Dead did. HALF.

      (I think a lot of that is that LKH missed the optimal release date, and instead let her book drop after Gaiman, Harris and Brown had all let their latest babies free into the world. And a lot more of that is that KTD sucked monkey balls and everybody who read it knew it.)

      Doctors are on the list. I do not know when the List will be addressed, but they are There.