Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Eternal Prey--chapter seven

So now our band of Dino-souled humans, Otherkin and vampire wannabes are heading off to the bridge they found via Google Maps to go kill other vampires who are the bad guys because Plot Says So, That's Why.

Lia does not trust this. Gee, I can't imagine why.

Bonus Round: I love it when a book has a major, non-evil character turn to another character and say "This plan sucks" in extreme and accurate detail. This means that even the writer's subconsious is saying "THIS IS A VERY BAD PLAN" and the writer didn't listen. Yeah, when that happens? It means the writer knows the plot sucks.

Fin is being arrogant and snitty, Utah is still a flaming bag of dicks, Kione is probably the best character in the book with the exception of Seir, which is probably because both characters are Star Trek clones (Spock and Q) with fantasy hats on.

Utah tells Lia he's worried that she might get dead for-reals while on this little field trip. She says she'll come through alive because her mommy issues won't let anything else happen.

...Once, just once, can these people be motivated by their happy, well-adjusted homelives? If Morticia from the Addams' Family can manage to be a good, supportive mommy there's no reason why Not-Bella's mom couldn't have been more loving and kind. It certainly would have solved most of Lia's issues AND made her desire to be a vampire make fucking sense. Yes. When you are in an abusive relationship with anybody it takes a while for the urge to please them to wear off. But after the first year or so, especially if you're in a healthy situation and didn't make a lateral move (it's not your fault if you do, FYI, but it's not healthy either) you reach a point where you can look at their memory and say "Fuck you" most of the time. Lia has openly acknowledged that her mother sucked. She should be ready to trade in a fucked-up value set for one that actually has meaning.

They visualize making out. Right before they storm Vampire Bridge.


Fake-Q asks Fin why he's here. Fin says he's here to keep humans away and to be there in case Seven shows up. Lia reminds him of his vision, and he turns around and shoots his character development in the face. Again:

“My vision showed a possible solution. It wasn’t proof that Seven wouldn’t kick all your asses along the way. I don’t want to be ticking off names on my active roster.”
No. You said that the vision was absolutely going to happen. That Lia would kick Seven's ass, that she did not get a choice. NOW, when there's a need for tension, it's only a POSSIBLE solution. Rather than, you know, a sign that the only person to survive MIGHT be Lia.

You can't do that. You can't assure the reader that a prophesy is set in stone and then waffle when the tension needs building.

A few of the Dino-men become dinosaurs. Fin kills the lights. On the entire bridge. Because he's trying to be inconspicuous and this isn't calling attention to his powers at all.

And then every vampire ever apparently decides to attack. Guess what! Either Adam or Seir set up a trap. Because OF COURSE THEY DID. Both sides benefit more if Fin is disabled and the Dino-team taken out. WHY WOULD YOU TRUST THESE PEOPLE I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

The Dino-boys chew on vampires for a while, and then Lia starts waving her hands like "OVER HERE" and a vampire comes and attacks her. Utah goes apeshit and eats him more than he was eating all the other vampires, and Lia protests that they need one alive for questioning. And then, because resolving this plot thread was never the book's goal, a woman shows up.


And she does. Random Woman touches Lia and teleports away right in front of Utah, and then comes back and kidnaps Utah because HEY WHY NOT.

Yeah, this chick is Chris, AKA Christine. As for her character, think Batman and Robin Poison Ivy:

“I keep my favorites alive. I sip from them and savor their unique flavors.” She leaned down and trailed her tongue over his pounding pulse. “It would be a sin to gulp someone as wonderful as you.”
OH HAI ANITA BLAKE. how did you get in this book AND HOW'S YOUR SEX LIFE?

(...that's a reference to the Room. I don't actually want to know this)

Anyhoo, Chris sexes up Utah, and then leaves to go bring Lia into the room, because Romance Plot is ALWAYS more romantic when one or both of you are tied up, kidnapped and in peril. Lia is shaky, by the way, as if she's been confronted with horror too terrible for words. Chris wants Lia to work for her, same as she wants Utah, and whatever conditions she attached to her offer has Lia almost shattered. Gee, I wonder if it's time for deep character development, sharing, bonding, and escape plann--

“Make love to me, Utah.”
You are in your captor's fucking basement, Lia. I understand that you have the right to have sex without condemnation but NOW IS REALLY NOT THE TIME TO HAVE SEX. Get away from the crazy vampire lady, then have sex.

End of chapter, by the way. It ends with that quoted bit right there.

I've got a long day tomorrow, so it's bedtime.


1 comment:

  1. “Make love to me, Utah.”

    "What, like now? As in 'now' now? Because I gotta tell you, these granny knots that crazy lady tied are seriously chaffing my - "