Eternal Prey--Chapter eight

There's supposed to be a big plot twist this chapter, so I'm going to spoil it because THE BOOK ALREADY DOES THAT:

Lia gets turned into a vampire as soon as Utah and her are done fucking.

We know this because she says THIS:

Now things got tricky. “Maybe the last few hours reminded me of my mortality. Maybe I don’t want to pass over to the other side with unfinished business.”

Which is like, the worst excuse for sex ever. And then she follows it up with this:

If that crease between his incredible eyes wasn’t so cute, she’d probably plant her fist right there. How could he not realize what she was trying to say?

BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN SENTIENT LESS THAN THREE MONTHS. WE SHOULD BE GLAD UTAH CAN TALK.

And yeah, she's known him all of two days, and most of that time was spent playing "Anything you can say I can say shittier and meaner because I have to compete with Buffy for "badass" without actually understanding what made Buffy cool."

Ah well. LET THE SEX SCENE COMMENCE. 

 He took her mouth in a long, drugging kiss.

Is it Thorazine? 'Cause that would explain a lot.

His taste. Nothing as dull as toothpaste. He tasted of the elemental and dangerous, of something that beckoned to the wild child in her.

...AKA the flavor of vampire bits stuck between your canines. Utah hasn't brushed since he chewed on the vamps, remember?

“You supersize my feelings, raptor.”

...We're starting to give LKH a run for her "shitty sex dialogue" money here. That's not a good thing.

“I’m thinking that years from now they’ll find my remains, just a pathetic little cinder cone, all that’ll be left of Mount Saint Lia.” 

 Yeah. Like orgasms haven't been compared to volcanic eruptions before. Can we top that for cheese?

“Your words are expanding my feeling field. They’ve gotten all the way to here.” He reached between his thighs and wrapped his fingers around his cock.

...that is the most beautiful line in this book so far. And by "beautiful" I mean that I've been laughing for five minutes straight and I still can't stop. The best part? Those two paragraphs are consecutive.

Now, now, now! She stopped breathing as her orgasm took her and shook her like a giant castanet.

It's precious.

And immediately afterwards Christine flings Jude into the room, and Lia confesses that she's got to become vampire, that she talked Christine into dragging Jude here to be her maker, and she tricked Utah into sex because LOGIC.

Utah does not take this well. After he calms down, he asks Jude to fake it. Jude says he can't. And then Jude drops the bombshell that Christine isn't a vampire, and that's where the chapter ends.