Thursday, July 18, 2013

Incubus Dreams--chapter 36-37

I have no idea what the fuck is going on in this book anymore.

Oh, I get the minute-to-minute stuff. Anita is bleeding. Jean Claude is forcing Primo to be sexy on stage for people when he wouldn't want to be--this reminds me of that famously oh-so-rapy edition of Superman where one of Kirby's New Gods makes Superman and Big Barda do a porn tape together. It's fucking wrong--and Nate and Bryon--Who?--are dragging Anita off to where the first aid kid is because that is probably an artery Primo nicked. And somehow the new tri-whatever she's created with Nathanial and Damian is fucking things up. Yeah, I can follow that part. What I can't follow is what the hell any of this has to do with anything else of this. 

Why did we have to go to Anita's workplace? Why did Anita have to have sex on the floor of said workplace? WHY DID JEAN CLAUDE JUST MIND RAPE ANOTHER MAN?

I don't know, blog-readers. I do not fucking know. 

 So there is a pissing contest re: who gets to do what with Anita that Anita only wittnesses because Shock. Interesting how she only goes into shock and/or faints when one of the men need to have an object to lug around.

So then there is talk about how Anita has hit a new power plateau, and I have to say even for an LKH male, Bryon is an unlikable POS. But he calls Anita "Duckie" so that wins him some brownie points. Given the rest of the dialogue, though, he reminds me way too much of Fairy Hardcastle from That Hideous Streingth for me to like him at all.

So then Anita realizes that she's got the serious hots for Bryon, and that it is actually Jean Claude trying to feed through her. He demands that Anita have sex with Bryon, a man she has just (?) met so that he will have the power to continue mind-raping Primo.

And she literally dives in, demanding to be on top. And okay, brownie points again, that would actually have been sexy and in another book. Then she realizes that the ardeur has grown to the point where she can literally suck/fuck Bryon to death and that she actively wants to. So she fights it off...just long enough for Nate to give Bryon a condom. Let's have safe sex with the undead, children.

And then Bryon's maker shows up during the sex, and they're going to have to do a repeat of what they did for Damian's maker. Because finding an actual plot would be too much fucking work.

 Jean Claude, however, decides that things aren't going fast enough and he sends in another vampire, this one named Requiem. They have negotiations re: who does what while Bryon and Anita are still going at it hard. Bryon tells them to hurry up because he's about to orgasm and make the whole conversation pointless.

...who the fuck would do that?

Anyway they all do eventually climax, apparently so many times that Bryon lost count. After eight.

Because we absolutely needed to know this.

And then Anita and Requiem discuss Belle Morte's court. Apparently the lady likes to watch.

And then we find out how Requiem's master died, which was apparently by not becoming more famous than British Elvis.


 The Master of the City of London had been very old. He’d been one of the first master vamps that Belle Morte made, oh, so long ago. Sometimes the really ancient vampires don’t take well to newfangled ideas. You know, electricity, modern medicine, and the fact that they were supposed to expose themselves to public view in a very modern, rock star sort of way.

Also, the Vampires have rules about who can be Dracula right now, and in which country. You know, I'd think that being "Dracula" would be like being that guy in Halo chat who keeps being 1337 and saying "roxxors" and "pwns" all the time. But apparently not!

And hey, just in case you don't think Jean Claude is a piece of shit, we get this lovely gem:

Jean-Claude had offered the London vamps a home. Not all of them, but many of them. All of them that could trace their lineage to Belle Morte. Who better to be strippers and dancers than the most beautiful and seductive vampires in the world?

I want a Popsicle stick and a mallet. A stake wouldn't be painful enough.

Then we get a long sequence about how one gets up without managing to preserve even a shred of dignity, and Anita Blake manages to do exactly that. Really, girl, if you have issues like this get undressed first.

Finally, because we absolutely need to know this, we find out that they've killed Anita's underwear and she will now be wearing a pair of Bryon's undies for the forseeable future.

God I hope his thongs are clean.

End of chapter.


  1. I'm pretty sure we're told Byron is gay and not bisexual at some point which makes the entire scene even more inexplicable.

  2. This is another case of wasted potential. If LKH were doing this on purpose it could be a fantastic carnival like wasteland of hilarious gag penis sex and crazy orgasm powers. I'm serious! That would be beautiful, a world where everything was deliberately over the top and distorted. Instead we have this. Sigh.

  3. Yeah... not only is Byron gay (and 'owes' Anita because of this, for some reason), but he's physically 15 (but can totally pass for 18, you guys!)

    Happy readings!

  4. "Bryon lost count. After eight."

    Ow. Seriously, ow.