Next year, plan accordingly and for the love of God and food, MAKE FUCKING RESERVATIONS.
("But WHY can't you make room for my 12 top party? We've given you thirty seconds to get ready for us?"
"...because every large table is booked to the milisecond, we are down two important staff members, one due to heat stroke because it's about 102 if you include the heat index, and all of the square two-tops AKA Emergency Large Table Creation Facility are currently full of people who DID make reservations. Piss Poor Planning on your part does not equal an emergency on mine. McDonalds is that way. Have fun."
"We'll leave a bad review on the internet!"
"Yeah. Nobody gives a shit.")
Also apparently working doubles over the busiest weekend so far this year has given me temporary amnesia, because I thought Damian's freak out was a sex scene when I opened this chapter. Which makes this part:
He rushed toward me, so fast he was a blur of white and red, and his eyes like green streaks. Nathaniel ran for him. I yelled, “No, let him come!”Freaking hilarious.
So Anita now has to fix something a little thoughtfullness for others would have avoided in the first place.
And Richard is involved.
...Booze. Booze is needed.
Damian bites down, apparently into a purple prose tumor that immediately starts leaking adverbs all over the carpeting. Greg tries to pull Damian off while in leopard form, which is dumb because Damian's latched on and pulling him off would probably rip up an artery.
Damian finally comes back to himself. Anita realizes this when his erection starts pressing against her thigh.
We went from traumatic freakout to "locked and loaded". And because she has to bind him to herself again they start having sex right in front of Richard, while repeating some metaphysical oath that starts off by quoting Genesis.
Richard reacts to this by turning very pale and backing way the fuck off. Because again, kiddies, he did not just leave Anita, he was raped by her. And now she's in full on Ardeur mode. And his fear is his fault because poo, poo, he doesn't want to have sex with the Liberated
I try to imagine the emotional undercurrants for this, and I wind up mentally doing what Richard just did--backing out until I hit something solid.
The chapter ends with Richard realizing that Anita has never had sex with either Nate or Damian before, and Anita assuming that she now has the moral high ground for future discussions with Richard.
YOU. RAPED. RICHARD. YOU NEED HIKING GEAR TO REACH ANYTHING RESEMBLING MORAL EQUALITY, LET ALONE THE HIGH GROUND.
Oh, but it's because he assumed that Anita was screwing everything in the house. Anita has a full blown sex addiction. That's not a nice or a healthy assumption to make, but it's a reasonable one. Especially when you have been raped by said sex addict.
Chapter 18 starts with Gregory saying that it is his turn.
CAN THIS BOOK PLEASE BE ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN SEX? PLEASE? IF I WANT PLOTLESS SEXY TIMES I'LL READ MERRY GENTRY THANK YOU.
Oh for FUCK'S SAKE LAUREL.
Damian was looking down at me, and the look was not one that I’d ever seen on a man’s face just after finishing sex. He looked sad, and I remembered the burst of emotion at the end. Sorrow covering the pleasure like evil chocolate ruining your ice cream.
It's not just chocolate. No. It's evil chocolate. It does evil things. Like ruin ice cream.
I am now imagining it as Aztec Chocolate Bitters and ice cream, which is rather pointless because that combination is awesome.
Meanwhile, Nathanial still has terminal blue balls.
Micah comes home. He remarks that he didn't know Damian could be up this early. Anita says he can't.
THEN WHY THE FUCK WAS HE RUNNING AROUND THE LIVING ROOM?
This is never answered. Micah and Richard discuss the wolf that Micah spent all night baby-sitting, which somehow pales in comparison to the EARTH SHATTERING REVELATION that Anita had sex without a condom and now all of the "mess" is inside of her.
Anita. It's semen. It's supposed to go inside of you. That's how biology works. She decides to have a shower. Micah tells Richard that there's a girl sobbing in his car. Richard says she's his girlfriend.
WHY. WOULD YOU BRING. YOUR GIRLFRIEND. TO YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND/RAPIST'S HOUSE? WHY?
This does not make sense to me.
Anita and Micah play grab-ass for a minute. Anita tells Greg that if he tries to grab her ass she'll rip him a new one. He calls her a bitch. The chapter ends.
Send booze. SEND BOOZE.