Incubus Dreams--48-50

So anything actually relivant to the book is now over, and Anita heads back to the Circus of the Damned because...uh...dark gothy sleeping place? Oh, and it's morning. Because sleep is for wimps.

Anita wonders how a Master vamp got into the city without Jean Claude and/or the Church of Eternal Life finding out, and then she goes on about how the doors on the Circus lock. Apparently there used to be no way to open the Circus doors from the outside. Some dude would have to see you coming (or get your cell phone call) and open the doors for you. This inconvenienced Anita because the little lookout post was sometimes unmanned (and apparently they let their cell-phones run down) and she would have to actively knock. So Jean Claude, Master of St. Louis, trades a pretty damn good security feature--namely, not being able to open the front door from the outside--for a basically shitty one. Anita has a key, and given that Anita isn't smart enough to pack a clean change of clothes for crime-scene work, that is probably a very bad move.

Anita then wanders around the Circus looking for somebody to sleep with. Jean Claude and Asher are in bed together. They're also dead, which is too creepy for Anita, so she moves on to Jason's room. Jason is sharing with Nate. The obvious--that Anita is even more useless than a hooker in a monastary--not occuring to her, she beds down with Nate and Jason.

But not before stripping. We find out that Anita's skirt is uncomfortably stiff with dried blood. She has trouble taking it off. The vampires were too polite to point the blood-soaked fabric out before Anita went to the crime scene. Apparently, so were the cops, which is probably a little out of character for a demographic used to interpreting blood-soaked fabric as "Somebody probably died here".

I do not understand how Anita still has a job. 

She sorts her clothing into three piles. "Clean" (which she promptly puts back on) "We can wash this a few times" and "ew." This takes an entire fucking chapter.

Next chapter, Anita thinks she hears somebody in the hallway outside. Well, that's a really good reason why having a door that can't be opened from outside the joint is a good fucking idea. Oh, but no, it was all just a dream. Anita let herself be hungry and she's drained Damian down again. This would be the point where I'd go on a "TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, ANITA, YOU ARE PUTTING LOVED ONES IN DANGER NOW" Rant, but then we find out that the ardeur's needyness has increased to once every two hours. 

Anita has to have sex once every two hours to keep from killing the people she is tied to. 

WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THAT.

 So Anita and Nate decide they're going to have sex to save Damian's life--WHY CAN THIS WOMAN NOT HAVE SEX BECAUSE SHE WANTS IT--and Jason is like "Well, I'm gonna go shower now."

Except he doesn't.

And they talk about how much Nate loves Anita and how much Anita loves Nate and how this is One True Love involving Micah...and finally, in the third chapter, they get down to business.

And this is the reason I decided to do three chapters tonight.

Guys, I am not what you would call experienced sexually, so there is not a lot in these sex scenes I can relate to. But one thing I can relate to is that a penis is rather akward, and putting one in your mouth is even more so. So I find the whole "Anita swallows all of Nate's Junk" part of this scene rather...uh. Yeah. Okay. She says it's because she got good practice on Micah. I was under the impression that Micah had the next best thing to a prehensile elephant schlong in his pants.

And then this happens:

Licking him, rolling him, sucking him, and when he was making enough noise, very lightly, I used teeth.

...I have it on very good authority that you don't use teeth. How does Nate react to this?

“More teeth, please.”

You male blog-readers might want to look away now. Because this ends with Anita biting hard onto Nathanial's penis.

I read this scene, and having no experiance whatsoever I immediately felt my gentitals retreat into my body and begin contemplating a future of polination.

I am not exaggerating at all here:

I went down on him fast and hard, and this time I bit him hard enough that my teeth closed around that thick, meaty flesh.

I need someone to lend me an even, because my "I don't even" account is so deep in the red I need more evens to be able to say that I can't even. That's how bad it is.

Guys, it might just be me, but why. Why would you want somebody to bite your junk. There are a massive number of things you can do. I would think "Biting my junk" would be somewhere on the "Infected Prince Albert" level of "Things to do to a penis". I mean, there are a lot of things that could go severely wrong. What if Anita has sudden onset lockjaw? Or a seizure? Or somebody comes up behind her and pops a bag behind her head? I mean, I know it'll grow back, but fuck me, guys. WHY.

There is not enough tequila in the world to make this okay.

The chapter ends a couple paragraphs later, but not before Nate takes the time to say "you are wet" to Anita.

ALSO PLEASE NOTE: NO SHOWERS WERE TAKEN BETWEEN CRIME SCENE AND NOW.

I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT WETNESS IS.