Friday, October 11, 2013

Micah--chapter 7-

Chapter seven opens by addressing one of the great mysteries of all time: How Anita Blake is getting out of her panties. Apparently the thing we needed to know is that Anita likes having sex with her garter belt and hose on. Yeah, Jean Claude taught her to put her panties on on top of the garter belt.

All I can think are "Rippling Runs, Batman!" and how uncomfortable the marks must be in the morning.

I stood there until his eyes filled with that darkness that men’s eyes fill with in the moment they realize you won’t say no.
That sentence is constructed horribly and oh my fucking GOD could you be more rapy?

...actually yes. Yes you can. Let's not go there.

Micah spends several minutes posing Anita like a rag doll. Okay, I have to give it to her: this sex scene is better written than the scenes in Cerulean Sins or Incubus Dreams. It's in an appropriate place, everybody's behaving with relative amounts of sanity, and Antia doesn't have go anywhere for the next several hours. We have finally figured out how to fuck like a regular human. LKH deserves a cookie.

Now if Micah could manage to find the plot while he's prospecting up Anita's va-jay-jay, we'd be all set.

All that said, I did not wake up today going "I want to read a play by play description of oral sex." Fuck, if I wanted to read para-oral I'd just dig the Stardoc books out again (Good premise, the books near the end are the best, and holy blue fuck it is possible to out-annoy Sookie Stackhouse amd trust me you do not want to know what "more annoying than Sookie Stackhouse" looks like. Cherijo is fucking stupid. And not in a human stupid way, in a "We forgot how to balance normal human reactions with an actual plot so we're going to go the cardboard cut-out-of-crazy route, but just to prove that the writer can do a human we're going to turn her into a lovable psychotic for a few books, and then destroy all your attachment to this character .Got it? thanks." Also: Oral. More than once.) (I can't recommend the series. It was the first end-of-series book I wanted to burn.)

...Anita Blake is fucking with her heels on until Micah tells her to take them off. I needed to know this. Also: Her feet must get sore eventually.

Chapter seven ends without actual intercourse. On to chapter eight, because fuck if I'm going to spend more than one fucking post on these characters fucking.

“So wet, but so tight. You’re always so tight after I do you by mouth.” He was kneeling between my legs, his body so hard, so ripe, so ready. I said the only thing I was thinking. “Fuck me, Micah, fuck me.” “You’re tight, Anita, really tight.” I raised up on my elbows. “But wet. I’m so wet. You’ve made me so wet.”
I'm beginning to think that LKH writes sex scenes by throwing darts at a board, only the only things on it are "wet" "tight" and "cervix punch"

Also, if Micah is Superpenis, and Anita is the only woman who has ever accomodated him appropretely, how the fuck is she that tight?

Anita is curling into the fetal position during penetration.

I have no point of reference, but I do not think this should work that way. Also, LKH needs to start researching endearments because "fuck me, fuck me, fuck me" isn't priming my pump, so to speak.

Is there a plot in there, guys? No? You're sure?

...apparently orgasms turn you into a glitching video game character. Good to know.

In the aftermath, we discover that Anita has clawed his back raw (again) and that Micah tore her in his, um, enthusiasm.

These people were made for each other.

He looked down at the bedspread, which was a little worse for wear. “I better get up off this before we get more blood on it.”

You know, Mike Rowe pointed out that hotel rooms don't actually wash those things unless there's evidence that something got spilled on it, so I'd be more worried about getting tetanus from the bedspread.

He leaned against the door for a moment, then looked at me. “You make everything all right for me, Anita. You make me feel like a human being instead of a monster.” 
“And you love all of me, Micah, every last hard-boiled, ruthless bit of me. You make it okay that sometimes I am the monster. You know what I do, and you still love me.”
You know, you keep saying this, but I don't think any of us are buying. Which sucks because the dynamic in these two paragraphs is something I really would like to read, and it's why I keep coming back to these shit-fest books. It's not because I think it's great. It's because every book promises exactly that: Monsterously hot boys, and a woman who does not take any shit.

Anita has an emotional collapse every time another woman breathes on her.

There is still no plot. Send help and booze.


  1. She mentions this “men get creepy rapey darkness in their eyes before sex” thing a lot and I wonder if it’s just part of LKH’s rape fetish so she WISHES they got it, or she’s so subconsciously sex-negative she really thinks they do.

    Too bad, I think the girl keeping the shoes on is always hot.


    …fetal position. During sex. No.

    Who the fuck actually calls themselves “hard-boiled” all sincerely like that?

    1. I feel like she mistakes intensity for this nebulous darkity-darkness thing. There's a moment sometimes when you're with someone you're attracted to and vice-versa where sex is suddenly a possibility, and the energy does change, and sometimes it really is intense. But I really don't know where she gets this rapey thing out of it. As you say, maybe she takes the "we could totally have sex right now, that is a thing that could happen" and runs it through her noncon filter to get "they could totally force me to have sex right now" which is unpleasant and sad. If it's her own fantasy that's one thing, but she's constantly trying to stretch it to be the norm for all men Anita comes into contact with and that's just screwed up.