Salvia the child murderer-assisting lawyer asshole who tried to kill Anita? He's dead. Killed offscreen by the zombie Anita raised.
The killer zombie? Oh, Larry Kirkland--you know, the dude whose wife is in the hospital with premature labor? yeah. That guy. He flew down and put the zombie back in the ground. And the text seems to imply that he came with Tammy. I cannot get concrete confirmation on this, but that would mean that they put a woman with a history of premature labor on an airplane.
I can excuse a lot of bullshit, but for fuck's sake, Laurel travels. FREQUENTLY. HOW CAN YOU STUFF SO MUCH FAIL INTO SOMETHING YOU DO MULTIPLE TIMES A YEAR AS PART OF YOUR JOB. I have traveled on an airplane eight times. Counting the round trips. I knew exactly what I could take on a plane before I got on for the first time (Mostly because I wanted to make sure you could take spindles--yes--and knitting needles--not the metal kind, which is what I used at the time. :(--on a plane.
Oh, and it turns out that Micah moving Anita into a fancier hotel saved her life, because the salesman who checked into that hotel room that night got killed very very dead. So it looks like Salvia framed the soon-to-be-zombie for a child molestation and murder that one of his boss's sons did, and the zombie died because of the trauma and he blamed his murderer and Salvia was worried that the zombie would testify about the molestation (and not nine million other mob related things) so he decided to assassinate the animator who would raise the zombie and when Micah changed Anita's room it kind of killed that plan and Salvia had to go to a really shitty plan B that got shot in the ass when Killer Zombie blamed him for his murder and I AM SO GLAD WE FOCUSED ON ANITA HAVING SEX IN A FUCKING HOTEL ROOM AND NOT ON THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN AWESOME PLOT AREN'T YOU.
SERIOUSLY. THE CHAPTER ENDS WITH THE NURSES GIGGLING OVER ANITA CANOODLING WITH MICAH AND NATHANIAL--BECAUSE THE SMARTEST THING TO DO WHEN THE MOTHERFUCKING MOB IS TRYING TO KILL YOU IS FLY YOUR (ACCORDING TO THE TEXT) HELPLESS SUBMISSIVE LOVER IN TO CANOODLE AT YOUR HOSPITAL BEDSIDE--AND THIS IS THE END OF THE STORY.
THIS BOOK. IS SERIOUSLY. ALL. ABOUT. SEX.
They wake up in bed. They fly to philly. They check into a hotel room and fuck. THAT IS LITERALLY FIFTY TWO PERCENT OF THIS BOOK. Kindle provides you with a percent-of-book thingy at the bottom. I CHECKED.
WHAT. THE ACTUAL. FUCK.
I kind of breezed by the truely, revoltingly awful things in this book because A. I've already touched on the anatomical stupidity, the awful sex, the bad characterization and the abso-fucking-lutely-senseless character assassination of everybody that isn't a sex partner for Anita Blake (and some that are) because silly me, I thought there'd be more of a book. In terms of awful content this is actually pretty damn mild compared to using molestation victims to give your main character somebody to comfort, or wearing a mini-skirt, thong and stilettos to an active crime scene, but THIS IS ALL WE GET.
AND THE PLOT IS ENTIRELY RESOLVED OFFSCREEN WHILE THE MAIN CHARACTER IS UNCONSCIOUS.
I do not pirate the books I review on this blog, kiddies. I pay for the privelage of ripping this shit to shreds. This book cost six dollars. I WILL NOT GET THIS MONEY BACK.
WHY DOES THIS BOOK EXIST.
In short, I have only one response to this.
Good night.
Isn't there a way to return shitty kindle books?
ReplyDeleteUgggh.
ReplyDeleteIt's ok for a book to be all about sex, but only if that's what it's SUPPOSED to be about and what it CLAIMS to be about. There should not be titilatory illusions of action and mob bosses and shit like that. If LKH wants to write sex and domestic fantasy, which I really think she does at this point, she should just fucking do that and quit trying to make out like she's into anything else.