It's insane, it's probably one of the things that makes me a terrible human being, but I don't understand how some can (SO. VERY. OBVIOUSLY) read the criticisms of their work and go "HEY THIS IS THE WAY WE CAN FIX IT ALL." LET. ALONE. Think that ANY of what I am about to review is realistic, real human behavior.
This chapter is silly.
It's the Sharknado of sex, is what I'm saying.
Anita and Richard head off to the bathroom to fuck. Because we need about one shower/bathtub scene per novel. (Laurel watches bad porn, mkay?)
A boy draws their bathwater. The boy is 19. He's a former bodyguard who wittnessed the London sex scene.
For those of you who don't remember the London sex scene, it was bacially Richard's Rape 2.0. London was an ardeur addict who came to Jean Claude's territory because he figured if JC promised nobody would feed their ardeur on him, he'd be safe. Anita fed the ardeur on him, because FUCK boundaries, other people's recovery, and being a decent human being.
But Cisco had been in the room when I’d had sex with London, one of our British vamps, for the first time. Cisco had had trouble not seeing me as a piece of ass since that moment. He was young, young in ways that weren’t just about how old he was.The book also makes a big deal about how Anita doesn't say this to Richard because it might upset him. Gee, I wonder why Richard might find that upsetting. Maybe because Anita raped another person UNDER EXACTLY THE SAME FUCKING CIRCUMSTANCES with EXACTLY THE SAME AMOUNT OF REGUARD FOR THE PERSONHOOD OF HER VICTIM.
The London incident officially makes Anita a serial rapist. It gives her an MO and everything.
Richard hugged me, and again I got a flash of that amazing strength. “I want to check the water, but I’m really enjoying carrying you.”This is just the start of the fluffy bunnies. It doesn't digress into "wet and tight" (yet) but...
He shuddered, head back, his voice panting, “God, Anita, God, I love the way you react to me. I do love it!”Yeah. This is RICHARD saying this. Just to add icing to our cake of WTF. This. Goes on. For PAGES. They like having sex. They like having sex. ANITA AND RICHARD REALLY LIKE HAVING SEX. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THIS YET BECAUSE THE BOOK WILL REPEAT IT A FEW MORE TIMES IN CASE YOU DON'T GET IT.
And then Anita calls a time out because she knows that fucking in this exact position will leave her walking funny the next morning. Because she did it with Micah and Micah is big, and Richard is roughly the same size. Only she doesn't say that out lout because she doesn't want to upset Richard. But I'm sure that Richard is mature enough to handle the compari--
- “Say it, Anita.” His voice sounded tired. “I tried it with someone else.” “Why did it hurt?” “Don’t make me say this, Richard, please.” “Say it,” and his voice was harsher now. I sighed. “Fine, because he was too big for it not to hurt.” “Who?” “Don’t do this, Richard.” “Who?” This time it was a demand.
Would it be shitty of me to mention that the reigning anit-fan theory is that Richard=ex husband and Micah=current hubby? Yes it would? Well, fuck it. Richard=ex hubby, Micah=current one. I'm a shitty person but you gotta admit that's the ONLY thing that's made sense for about four chapters now.
- “Jesus, no, Richard, you should know better than most that a really big cock is not enough to win my heart.” “Then why him? Why are you living with him and not me?” I sighed. We weren’t going to have sex. We were going to have therapy. Sweet Mary, Mother of God, I did not want to do this. “Don’t do this, not now, not today.”
“You’re right, it was stupid, but I’m stupid around you, Anita. You make me say things, do things, that I know are bad for the relationship.”Never let it be said I don't give credit where it's due. That's exactly the right attitude to pull when your lover yanks "YOU MADE ME DO IT" out of its cold little bag. NOBODY makes anybody do anything. You are responsible for your own behavior. FULL STOP. It doesn't matter how abusive your situation is, or how shitty your history is. Being awful to another human being is NEVER EVER OKAY.
“I don’t make you do anything. You choose to say and do things that spoil stuff. Your choice, not mine.”
Eventually the conversation devolves into "WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR OWN TRUE FUCK" and Anita is all "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN DESIRES" Which is Anita-speak for "YOU DON'T WANT TO FUCK ME" but I want to call attention to this:
“You didn’t want to be my partner. You want your own life, not to be just an adjunct to mine.”
“I needed a 1950s wife to make my life run smooth. I needed someone to be my wife, and he’s really good at it.”
He blinked at me, and the energy level in the room seeped away. He stared at me. “I don’t want to be a werewolf.” “That’s your deepest wish, Richard, and the ardeur can’t give you that.This is why Richard isn't perfect Anitabait. Because he wants his own life apart from her. Because he isn't content with the role of an uberperfect, selfless 1950's housewife (IT'S RIGHT THERE IN THE MOTHERFUCKING TEXT) Because he doesn't want to have an easily commutable disease that makes him lose his self control and violate most of his morals and boundaries and he wants to do everything in his power to manage that disease, rather than surrendering to it. Richard is Anita's imperfect, discarded lover because he wants to be a human being and not a cardboard cutout fucktoy.
Anybody who says their desired lover is a 1950s housewife deserves to spend the rest of their life alone.
He stared at me and sat back in the water, almost like he was faint. “Oh, my, God.” He whispered it. “We thought at first you were just too conflicted for the ardeur to pick and choose, but I was the one who figured it out.” “You’re right,” he said. A look of soft horror covered his face. He looked at me, and such pain filled his eyes. “I did this to myself.” I shrugged. “I was so afraid I’d become a monster that I took the inoculations against lycanthropy. That’s how I caught it.”The. Fuck.
IIRC, Richard got his werewolfyness from an improperly screened baggie of donated blood. Not from inoculations. And even if I remember wrong, HOW IS IT RICHARD'S FAULT. Replace "Lycanthropy" with "Aids" and tell me how getting a shitty vacciene is your fault. LYCANTHROPY RUINS LIVES. Richard just wants to be a teacher and a husband, and he can't because he goes wolfy (and because he's tied to JC and Anita, but that's a rant for another time) IT IS NOT UNREASONABLE TO TAKE THE INOCULATIONS AGAINST A DISEASE TO PREVENT CONTRACTING SAID DISEASE.
ALSO: LKH had sure as fucking fuck better not be jumping on the "vacceines are bad" bandwagon because that is my favorite pet peeve. GET INNOCULATED. YOU ARE SAVING LIVES OTHER THAN YOUR OWN.
(also: Saying that it's better not to get vaccinated because it causes autism is the same fucking thing as saying that it's better to DIE HORRIBLY than develop autism. If you don't see how that is shitty behavior on your part, please turn in your human card, we don't want you anymore.)
Richard and Anita both go "WHY CAN'T YOU CONFORM TO MY LIFESTYLE" rather than going "Okay, compromise" like other healthy, albeit kinky, humans do, because ANGST is more important.
“I’ve got to feed, Richard, now. Nathaniel is starting to feel bad, and I won’t risk killing Damian.”How to have guilt-free sex in your novel in one easy step: Ensure somebody unrealted will die if you don't fuck.
And then, I swear to fucking God, Anita goes on a tangent on how bigger isn't better in certain situations.
She of the "Well, Micah, your OTHER girlfriend just couldn't appreciate all your manly manhood manliness" is going off on how Richard, who is implied to be smaller than Micah, is too big.
Hey, kind of like Richard's life RIGHT NOW, right?
I also know that if Richard and I couldn’t come to some kind of understanding, one day we’d be finished as a couple. He’d always be Jean-Claude’s wolf to call. He’d always be bound to us in a triumvirate of power, but we’d be broken up. It would be like being trapped in a relationship with someone you’d divorced but could never completely get rid of. A little slice of hell, that.
Anita goes on and on and ON about how Richard won't accept reality, how he can't leave, how he's such an ungreatful bastard (GEE, MAYBE ITS BECAUSE YOU'VE BLACKMAILED HIM INTO STAYING IN AN UNACCEPTABLE RELATIONSHIP) and how she wishes he could change.
And the chapter ends with her giving him a blowjob. End of chapter.