Saturday, February 16, 2013

Caress of Twilight--chapter 11

I will be so glad when this weekend is over. Nothing says "Humility" like having people who have more money than you will ever see in your lifetime berate you because you couldn't magically figure out they meant "blue cheese crumbles" and not "blue cheese dressing" when all they said was "with the blue cheese". There are times when I really hate my job.

So. Can we have a plot now? 

 Well, Maeve runs out of the room in tears, while her bodyguards all stand around with a "huh?" look on their faces. Meanwhile Merry is standing frozen because "She tasted like sunshine."

Gee, why would Maeve be so upset? Maybe it's because she's dropped her glamour for the first time in forty plus years? Maybe it's because having another Fairy around reminds Maeve about her life in the Seelie court? Maybe it's because--

I felt my eyes widen. “You mean she’s attracted to me.” I shook my head before he could say anything. “She’s attracted to the first sidhe she’s touched in a hundred years.”
Yeah. Because it all has to be about sex with Merry. Even though the text then goes out of its way to say "Maeve is not a Lesbian." Thanks. I needed to know this.

Then they all discuss how Maeve dropping her glamour basically rang every bell in the neighborhood. Then they all discuss how Maeve was worshiped long after the rest of them were forgotten--and I've already discussed the stupidity of reducing a fucking deity to erotica's supporting cast, so we're not going to talk about it again--and how that's given her more power. And then somebody points out the obvious: That Maeve being a movie star basically equals more worship than she would have gotten even back in the day.

And this is a big deal in the story's universe, because the Fae are only in the states as long as nobody worships them. In the last book, Queen Crazy had to beg Merry not to reveal that Prince Cel had worshipers of his own. This could, in fact, get the Fae thrown out if it were revealed that movie-star worship equals god/goddess worship.

Will this ever get addressed? No. I mean...LKH can either use this little bit of worldbuilding as a launchpad for a truly epic plot of epic proportions...or she can have her self-insert screw a major god of the dead Celtic religion she studied up on when she jumped faiths.

This is almost as bad as when Anne Rice wrote those first person books from Jesus's perspective.

Anyway, Maeve asks everybody to go out to the pool. Everybody's fine with it except Kitto, who freaks out because he has severe agoraphobia. He lived his whole life in caves and dark tunnels. Merry doesn't care. The guy can't handle a big white room and she's going to make him go outside. She'll allow him to go to the van if he gets overwhelmed, but she's decided he needs to work on his fears.

You know, usually exposure therapy occurs under highly controlled conditions, under a counselor's supervision. But I'm absolutely sure a member of a race where rudeness is punishable by death is perfect to supervise a traumatized individual's exposure to something that scares the shit out of them. And this--a highly charged negotiation with a literal goddess--is the perfect time to make Kitto face his fears.

And then Rhys decides to make everybody skip down the hallway singing "We're off to see the wizard".

That's how the chapter ends. I did not make that up.

Plot is still nonexistent.


  1. Maeve was so overcome by the touch of Merry's skin that she had to run out of the room weeping. But she's not a lesbian, you guys, this is real important, Merry Sue is just that hot.


    "Nothing says "Humility" like having people who have more money than you will ever see in your lifetime berate you because you couldn't magically figure out they meant "blue cheese crumbles" and not "blue cheese dressing" when all they said was "with the blue cheese"."

    That's not humility. That's entitled assholes being douchebags because they figure the people around them should be able to read their minds.

  2. I sympathize with your experience this weekend. I get to deal with people dropping more money than I will ever see on books that they only want to read because they either saw them on TV or some Political-Figure-of-the-Moment told them that they MUST read. Sometimes it's like no one has individualized tastes anymore.

    Also? The next person that tells me Fifty Shades of Grey will "save my marriage" is going to get a punch in the face.

    Anyway, sorry for the digression. It happens because there is nothing happening in this book. ;)

    As you said, the bit of worldbuiling about the Fae being exiled if they are busted for having worshippers COULD be epic. It's like all those tantalizing little tidbits of plot possibilities that LKH leaves scattered all over the Anita Blake series...things that could be so good if she would just DO something with them.

    But, no. No, of course not. It's all about the half-assed erotica. And I have a suspicion that most erotica writers wouldn't want to claim LKH as one of their own either.

    1. OH JESUS CHRIST FIFTY SHADES. IT IS TWILIGHT FAN FICTION. The serial numbers are less "scratched off" and more "painted over with red nail polish". And the erotica takes a back seat to the abusive e-mail exchanges between Christian Gray and Ana. I read it because I like train wrecks, but GOOD GOD was it dull.