Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Danse Macabre--chapter 15-16

This is so fucking stupid. It's like..."Hey, let's have unprotected sex. AND A PREGNANCY SCARE. And more unprotected sex. Let's not do birthcontrol EVER. Now let's go on about how awful a baby would be because having an actual plot would be too difficult."

Yeah, so all the guys and most of the visitors now know that Anita is possibly preggers. Richard is glowering pissed, Samuel is congradulating everyone and Jean Claude is furniture.

There's a long exchange between her and Richard where he's all like "Anita, could you really kill OUR BABY" and Anita is all like "Well I'd like to say yes to hurt you but BABIES BABIES BABIES what were we talking about again?" and I am reminded why all of these characters are terrible.

Oh, hey, let's break the world for a minute:

  • “Why, just because Jean-Claude and Asher, and hell, Damian are several hundred years old? That doesn’t mean it’s not theirs; look at Samuel. He has three sons, two separate pregnancies.”
There it is in black and white: Sam is the biological dad of Thea's kids, and the universe just broke in little pieces. I strongly remember Anita's traitor friend, I think it was Monica? The one that set up the other friend to get rolled in Guilty Pleasures? That one. I remember her and her vampire hubby having to camp out in hottubs and pray a lot to try to get pregnant and there was a lot of "Well, maybe we've got a chance; he's only a few years dead." I think the moon is more fertile than Jean Claude (or Samuel) so the vamps being a dad EVER would be unlikely. I do not think they're the parents in this "Whoopsie-daisy there's a baby" plot thread.

Anita brings up that it could be Micah or Nate's baby. Richard reminds Anita that Micah "got fixed". (because vacetomies are always perfect. Just like birth control) which leaves Nathanial as the primary not-a-father. And now we have a big long thing about how Nathanial will make a better father than any of the others because he can make more money stripping part time than the rest of them can make at a full time job. This is probably true. Nate has also shown the maturity of sugar snap peas and I think if I were given a choice between letting a vegitable parent a child and letting Nate have it, I'd go with a nice head of cauliflower.

And then the book kind of makes my own point for me by bringing Valentina into the room. She's a child vampire and she spends a lot of time making very creepy comments about how much she'd like a playmate. There's filler where Valentina rolls Sampson and Samuel is like "Huh. My son's strong enough, or else he can just go die."

I am beginning to think there's a slight bit of dysfunction in Samuel and Thea's family.

Eventually he throws Valentina off with his mother's power, and that's the end of that.

Richard and Nathanial get into a power magic fight...thing. LKH tries for subtlty.

Richard tried to move back, while I tried not to move, and Nathaniel just watched us, from an inch away. Richard wasn’t willing to move without me, or leave me alone with Nathaniel. The symbolism was too raw for words.

Yeah. Laurel? The thing about symbolism is, when you call it out that blatently it kind of loses its everything, you know?

Finally, Claudia rescues Anita so she can go pee on blotting paper. End of chapter.

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