Saturday, November 16, 2013

Book Drop: It's comming

As I said on tumblr, the uploading of various files to various websites is in progress.

That progress goes somewhat like this:

Basic format: Identical no matter where it goes.

Smashwords: Save as .doc, doublecheck to make sure there are no headers/footers/random stray shit from track changes (Seriously. Track Changes is worse than burs. It sticks to everything and it never fucking goes away. It only makes you think you've eradicated it. There's always some portion of the manuscript retaining Track Changes like some kind of mutated primordial appendix, waiting to spew the red letters and comments back across the manuscript in a burst of formatting-destroying frenzy) Upload to Smashwords. Upload artwork to Smashwords. Sit back. Enjoy a few minutes of peace.

Amazon: Save as .html. Open Calibre. Load .html file into calibre. Change metadata three times because just typing a name and hitting enter isn't a fucking option and you forget this every time. Add cover art. Let the program resize it for you. Convert book from .zip to .mobi, making sure you check the little box that will read < H1 > as a chapter header so that it will recreate the table of contents you already created in Word. Save. Go to Amazon. Upload file. Upload artwork.

Nook Press: Save as .doc. Create new project. Upload file. Hopefully we remembered to use section breaks and not chapter breaks so we do not have to re-create all the chapter breaks manually. Check file over. Realize that once again, every fucking chapter header is wrong, and that these garbled titles are going into the TOC Nook Press will create when it processes your file. Spend a mind numbing HOUR changing these fucked up headings to "Chapter One" "Chapter Two" ect. Ect. Ect. Upload art. RE-upload art because you used the big file. Thank all your stars that despite all this, Nook Press has the friendliest user interface out of the trio, and that they are your friends. Pledge blood and a kidney to keep alive for another year. (Please. They're my favorites and they don't require nearly as much flogging as Amazon does for sales. Please do not die, Barnes and Noble. Please.)

Afterparty: Get drunk and watch something stupid on Netflix/Amazon Prime.


Indie-go-go contributors should go check their emails. IF YOU CONTRIBUTED AND YOU HAVE NOT GOTTEN YOUR COPIES LET ME KNOW PLEASE.

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