Danse Macabre--chapter 53

I WAS IN Jean-Claude’s office at Danse Macabre. It was black-and-white elegant, with framed kimonos and fans on the walls as the only color. I sat behind his elegant black desk, with a drawer open. I had an extra gun in that drawer. I’d loaded it with silver shot while we waited. Asher sat beside me, in a chair pulled up so he could be close enough to touch me.

I want to point how many times, in the early books, Anita is facing someone arrayed exactly like this. That one lone good guy against a sea of bad. Well, now Anita is standing up there as the sea of bad's right hand woman, and she doesn't seem to notice. A lot of people have pointed out that Old Anita would kill New Anita without hesitation, and I'd say that's a pretty good judgement call. And it's not the sex. Frankly, the sex scenes themselves just annoy me because where the fuck is the plot. It's the rape. And the fights that end with either death or a Fate Worse Than Death. And the rape. And probably more of the rape. Old!Anita wasn't telling the bad guys to get stuffed to prove she was the baddest cat in the house. She was telling them off because you don't do that shit to people. She supported Richard over Marcus because Marcus and Rania were making torture snuff films. She blew Rawhead and Bloody Bones away because it was killing children. She killed the blinking Aztec vampire away because Jesus fucking Christ was that fucked up. It wasn't because they were endangering her and her people. It was because what they were doing was wrong.

She raped her way through this entire book and now she's sitting next to a dude that basically rapes his entire customer base every time they set foot in his clubs.

Just thought I'd point that out.

Jean Claude is out playing with the media while Anita questions Merlin. RIGHT.

He was tall, dark, and handsome. He was not European. No, something darker, farther east, as in Middle East. There was something very Egyptian about him, or maybe Babylonian, because he was old.

HE WAS MIDDLE EASTERN. Identify the fucking race for once.

Merlin says he rolled the whole audience to...wait. If Merlin is Middle Eastern, why is he using a name from British mythology? I mean, unless Merlin is, like, the Merlin (or trying to claim that he is that Merlin) wouldn't it make more since for Merlin to use a name from his own neighborhood's mythology? It's kind of like how when you curse, you usually do so in your native tongue? If you're gonna assume a big and scary sounding name, you're gonna go for your own nightmares, not mine.

Anyhoo, Merlin rolled the whole audience, and not just the humans, because he didn't want half the audience to miss out on the show. Yeah, because Ballet is all about the slight of hand and the flashy gimmicks. That's why ballerinas learn how to keep their blisters from oozing through to the silk.

Asher then tells Merlin that's a direct challenge to every Master in the audience, and Merlin is like "So? You're only here because you sleep with the boss." and the conversation goes downhill VERY quickly after that. Anita decides she has to prove her dick is bigger than theirs and she pulls a gun on the room. Nobody's actually doing anything, but nope, we gotta pull a gun out.

Merlin and (gag) Adonis roll their eyes and go with it, probably because it's the thing standing between them and dinner.

Anita accuses Merlin of dropping his mind control act because it got the MOAD's attention and scared him shitless. (...so THAT'S what happened. Okay) and he kind of goes "Who?" and Anita describes the MOAD's bedroom because this proves something. I guess.

Anita says that the MOAD is both a shapeshifter and a vampire. Merlin says that's impossible and...holy shit.

“The strain of vampirism that we have today is destroyed by the lycanthropy virus,

Wait. Wait wait wait wait wait. I thought it worked kind of like giving somebody cowpox so they can't catch smallpox. That's not "You can't have both at once", that's THIS ONE KILLS THE OTHER ONE and that's an entirely different kettle of fish. Why aren't vampires with weres-to-call dead? Seriously. If vampirism--the thing keeping vampires alive--is destroyed by were-whatever viruses, then shouldn't vampires drop dead every time they get bitten? That's a pretty big rule-realignment to be throwing around like that.

Are we ever going to see the implications? No?

GOD I hate this book.

They debate for a minute if Belle Morte could be waking up the MOAD's pets, but Anita says no and I guess that means the answer is no. Okay.

I nodded. “Yeah, you guys filled me in on the limo ride here.

Gee, Laurel, Maybe if you'd cut one of the endless fucking rape scenes in this book we actually could have watched that!

Merlin starts testing all the other people in the room, I guess because he's really bored.

I blinked in his direction. “Are you saying you’re the Merlin, as in King Arthur and the Round Table?”

Called it.

So Merlin says that he did the power trip at the ballet to see if the MOAD were interested in anybody there, and apparently Anita's it because Mary Sue Power List Activate. They discuss the MOAD's methods for several pages, and then he makes sympathetic noises over Anita's brand new scar.  Yeah, it's already healed. Aren't we glad it happened in the first place? Didn't it impact the plot in such a beautiful way?

“I’ve come up against demons. Vampirism is a contagion, not a demonic anything. It’s a blood-borne disease. A doctor back in the 1900s sort of figured out how to cure it. You don’t cure demonic possession with a blood transfusion.” “Cured it?” Merlin said. “With a blood transfusion, truly?” “Well, yeah, but the vampirism is what keeps the dead body up and running, so you take the vampirism out of the blood, and the body dies.”

......HOW HAS THIS NOT COME UP IN THIS SERIES BEFORE?

Also: WHY DO WE STILL HAVE STAKINGS AND BEHEADINGS WHEN A BLOOD TRANSFUSION IS MUCH MORE HUMANE?

The conversation continues until Damian says he needs to feed and leaves the room. Merlin and his people follow, leaving Anita, Asher and Nate in the room.

This chapter is not ending. This chapter needs to end soon.

Anita decides she needs to feed on Asher. Asher decides he needs to whinge about how NOBODY UNDERSTANDS MEEEEEEEE because Anita is taking him for granted (She kind of is, though...) and nobody loves him right and he's so ugly and scarred...

I grinned. “Not perfect; handsome, but not perfect. Requiem’s too damn moody by half. London, I’m a little embarrassed about him.” “Why embarrassed?” “Not sure, maybe because I’m not sure I even like him, and I had sex with him.”

OR IT IS BECAUSE YOU GOT HIM READDICTED TO THE ARDEUR WHEN YOU PROMISED HIM YOU WOULD NOT. ANITA: NOT EVERYTHING. IS. ABOUT. YOU.

So then Anita and Asher start making out on the furniture because they both need to feed and NOW he's accepted that she loves him and he loves her and of course it's gonna be forgotten by the next book. Also, we're 96% done with this book and there is no climax in sight, other than Anita's. HELP.

The chapter ends with Anita demanding Asher make her "Come both ways."

...but at least it's consensual. And a little on the sexy side.