Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Danse Macabre--chapter 50-51

For somebody who claims to love sex as much as she does, LKH sure has a strong aversion to using the word penis.

HE HELD ON to the door to raise himself above me, so that only the long, hard length of him touched me at first.
That long hardness? That's probably an elbow. Maybe a knee. It's not real clear is what I'm trying to say. Also: It's a g-spot. Not just "that" spot. You're a fifty fucking year old woman, you can use the commonly accepted terms for genitalia.

In the dimness of the car I couldn’t see that he was wearing the condom that Nathaniel had given him.
Thank you. Thank you for letting me know all the things that we can't see. Also: thank you GOD for FINALLY giving Anita the same approximate wattage as a twinkle light. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE HAVE ESTABLISHED SAFE SEX. And for the record, I don't think Anita as a woman is stupid, because Anita is not real. Anita's character is so poorly written and her choices make so little sense that for her to be real, she'd have to have a room temperature IQ.

...guys, are simultaneous orgasms that important? Cause this chapter is making a very VERY big deal about the guys holding off until everybody involved is ready to...erm...go. It's not that big a deal in this scene, but...well...

Requiem isn't enough for Anita. So Jason and Nathanial move in. They decide the very best thing they could do to power Anita up is have one guy take her doggy-style while she gives the other man a blow-job. At first Jason is going to be the dog on the street, so to speak, but then they decide to switch so that Jason can find out how Anita gives awesome head.

...only it kind of reads like LKH forgot who was in which place between when she ended chapter 50 and started chapter 51. There's an "Oh yeah, we decided to switch because..." sentence but it's comparatively deep in the book.

To suck, lick, and writhe my mouth, my tongue, and ever so lightly my teeth, around the smooth muscled length of him.

I actually had to go look that up to make sure there are muscles in the penis. There are. However, a penis is still not the first thing I think of when I think "muscles". Though now I'm imagining a dick with really great abs...

So they go at it for a couple paragraphs and Nathanial is all like "U there yet, bro?" And Jason is all like "I will be soon" so they increase their...erm...pace and somehow Anita's orgasm, which nobody checked on, happens the same time as the guy's. And I don't get why this is a big deal, but hey, it's just me.

Also: LKH should not use "Spilled" or "Drink" when her main character is giving blow jobs.

Maybe the feeding would last longer if I fed on men who weren’t tied to us metaphysically, but I didn’t love anyone who wasn’t tied to us. So I had to feed more often, so what?
So what? SO WHAT? ANITA. A MAJOR PLOT POINT IN THE LAST BOOK WAS THAT YOU WERE KILLING YOUR MEN. YOU WERE FUCKING THEM TO DEATH. LITERALLY. THAT IS WHY EVERYONE IS SENDING YOU NEW PEOPLE. IT'S SO YOU DO NOT KILL ANY OF THE CURRENT ONES.

Jesus Christ. Most of Anita's ardeur problems can, according to these books, be solved by eating a fucking hamburger. She is electing to starve her physical body because the sex is more fun, to the point of endangering other people's lives. When your eating disorder puts somebody else's life in danger, you graduate from Anorexia and hit Drunk Driving 101. AND OUR HEROINE IS JUST LITERALLY SAYING THAT THIS DOES NOT MATTER AS LONG AS SHE LOVES THE PERSON SHE FUCKS.

"SO WHAT IF I FUCK THEM TO DEATH? I LOVE THEM." THOUGHT NO TRUELY LOVING PERSON IN EXISTANCE, EVER.

“I hate football, let’s just keep fucking,” Jason said.
Okay. That exchange legit made me giggle. Jason is cool. He and Ronnie can go run to Alaska and be cool together.

And then we go right straight back into ick territory.

“Her name is Perdita. Perdy.” He stuffed the towelettes into an empty garbage bag, apparently there for the purpose. “Jean-Claude wanted to know some of what you could expect when you fuck Sampson.”
Yeah, the "Have sex or else INCEST" people. God fucking GOD I thought we'd dropped that plot thread entirely.

So then Anita senses that trouble is brewing and they all head back into the theater. And the chapter closes on this happy moment:

Normally, I’d have tried not to hold on to too many men at once in public, but the hell with it. One, we all needed the comfort. Two, my reputation couldn’t get any more trashed than it already was.

Anita really needs to just own her fucking life and get over herself.

1 comment:

  1. It's a dick. Or a cock. You'd think she'd have at least passing familiarity with these terms. I write erotica and let me tell you, I have written the word dick maybe millions of times..

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