Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Harlequin--chapter 41

One question that most Anita Blake fans ask is usually why St. Louis? Other than "The author lives there" there's not much to offer. We now have an answer.

The cops are all fucking morons.

And hey, it's time to play What's My Move! You are a cop in a town with an increasing supernatural crime rate, and you've got reports that the rising star in the vampire mafia is in your hometown. His girlfriend, who is sadly also a cop, just got landed in the hospital with severe wounds and an awful lot of muscle. Do you:
1. Put an obvious tail and a not so obvious GPS unit on her car and follow her until the Grand Jury the DA just convened can meet re: racketeering charges for Jean Claude, and you can serve her with the most beautiful subpena known to mankind?
2. Put a tail and a GPS unit on her car anyway because SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO OUR TOWN?
4. Ignore her because she probably got the wounds during sex.
5. Drag her ass downtown for questioning re: Cisco's death and then FOLLOW HER ASS when you are legally required to let her out.

If you said four, congrats, you're a cop in the Anitaverse.

They don't follow her. They don't talk to her. For fuck's sake, she was nearly eviscerated, Peter nearly died and Cisco DID die, and they're just giving her the side eye and moving away like she's got plague. Folks, Anita should be in an interrogation cell right now. SOMEBODY DIED.

But being followed would complicate the plot, and LKH wasted most of the book on rape. She doesn't have room for actual plot manipulations.

 Aww. And Anita is rejected by the ENTIRE POLICE DEPARTMENT for being a were and she's forced to make a walk of shame amongst her peers. Because OBVIOUSLY there aren't any were-cops anywhere, and there wouldn't be people who'd support her anyway because she got hurt on the job. And this walk of shame couldn't POSSIBLY be because, you know, SHE IS A RAPIST ABUSIVE IDIOT AND A GANGSTER'S GIRLFRIEND, no sir. It's because there are so many mean nasty haters in the world.

LKH is probably trying for a "Gays in uniform" paralelle. If you need a shower after reading that, the stall's over there.

And then Olaf is making eyes at her and he's so scary (He legit is) and Anita is so EDGY because she UNDERSTANDS HIM and WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND HIM, ANITA. WHY.

We also have to have the obligatory "Anita can't be protected by her menz from the big bad serial killer" moment, because even though Olaf is doing everything short of licking his chops, she refuses to let anyone stand between her and the serial killer.

Guys, to me, that's not a gender issue. That's a friend issue. I have someone that I care about being eyed like they're beef? I defend friend. Olaf kills women for a hobby. Anita is exactly her type. Edward is an idiot for bringing him along, and the guys aren't being sexist for trying to break Olaf's line of sight. They're being humans. Because, you know, we're supposed to protect each other from shit.

Dolph is talking to Graham. Guys, Dolph is so totally fucking onto Anita. It's great.

“I want to know why a federal marshal needs a bodyguard,” Dolph said through gritted teeth.
Yeah. Laurel, there's no way in fuck good cops wouldn't know that Anita was boinking two gang lords/crime bosses at once. That's the kind of thing thugs trade for basic currency when they're being interrogated.

Micah says he hired the bodyguards because Anita almost died and he loves her. It's very sappy.

“You aren’t married to Anita.” “Micah’s been living with me for seven months.” “Talk to me when you’ve made a year,” he said.
Yep. I can testify that the longer you give yourself to know somebody, the safer your relationship is. Seven months? You can bullshit your way through seven months. Even living together.

The chapter ends with Anita rambling on about how much people hate her.

No comments:

Post a Comment