Yeah. I fucked up BAD the last few months re: books. Part of that was depression but a lot of it was having to move...about fifty feet. From one small rental property to another.
To say I hate moving is an understatement. It dredges up all sorts of awful feelings and makes me want, desperately, to go hide under the nearest rock. I hate the sound of packing tape, I hate the smell of packing tape--it's a funny, overly sweet stink, like whoever made it stuck a bitterant into the mix--I hate boxes, I hate having all my things in boxes. There's a lot of awful memories of stress, family fights, losing things. One of the themes of my life, I have discovered, is losing things.
And then in the middle of all this, when I'm holding on by my fingernails and contemplating either getting very drunk or having a major SI relapse, I have about five different people say you're so calm. Uh...what? Not that I mind. It's just...it feels like false advertising. No. No I am not calm. I'm compartmentalized.
BUT! It is done! And yesterday I got off my ass and dug through six zillion badly packed boxes and found my art tablet, and so that is what I will be doing today.
I don't know what plans I have for this next year. I feel rather like I've blown all the momentum I was building over the last couple of years. And...uh...yeah. I'm kinda broke. And this is the last time I'll bitch about that, I promise.
SO. Let me give ya'll the short-term plans so we can all build from there.
First of all: Get the motherfucking book finished and out because I AM SO SORRY BOOK READERS.
Second: (This may be accomplished before the book because it's easier) I'm signing up for Patreon. It's kind of a continual Kickstarter that lets you guys support me however much you want. (And lemme make this clear: I HATE asking you guys for money. I HATE it. It makes me feel like a leech and an utter bitch (Robot Susan B. Anthony is having her software upgraded, sorry guys) and also self-conscious as fuck. I say this because it feels dishonest to say otherwise. But...yeah, I'm not going in to all the ways things suck right now, but suffice to say that I really, really, REALLY cannot afford to not do this.)
The bonus for ya'll is if you're a Patreon supporter you get free books and art and all kinds of lovely things. I mean, it's not quite free (you're still giving me money in exchange for things) but it'll feel that way. That's cool, right?
The other bonus is...if I get enough support I'll be able to do all those things I was supposed to do from the beginning. Like pay an editor to make my books look nice. I'll also be able to do things like upgrade my computer, get better software for some projects I've been working on (or wanting to work on) and justify spending more time ON those projects.So ya'll will get higher quality shit for free.
So there's the state of the CW address. I've got one fuck of a hole to dig my way out of but I've got something of a direction to start digging in and that's enough for me.
Patreon sounds like a good idea to me. Go for it.
ReplyDeleteSaladin Ahmed ran something similar. He had a bout of depression that kept him from producing anything for a couple of years, and at one point he completely deleted the work he did manage to finish because he couldn't accept it as good enough. He had to do a whole series of blog posts asking for help from his readers. And even without taking depression into consideration, there are lots of creators who use Patreon or similar services to even out their income between sales. So like I said, go for it. You'll be in good company.