Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Seduced by Moonlight--chapter 13

So. Last week a preview FINALLY came online for A Shiver of Light, the next and hopefully final book in the Merry Gentry series. I'm not holding my breath for it to be the last book, and sadly it's far, far too late for us to hope ASoL will be any good. Somewhere between the Madonna/Messiah imagry of the first chapter (Look, I have nothing against paganism whatsoever, and I am very happy to not have the woman on my team anymore, but LKH needs to fucking reconvert and get it over with.) the surprise!triplets that are oh-so-darling and special, and the sheer WTF factor of three babies with eight fathers (biological. Eight sperm contributors) and of course, LKH's darling prose, the only thing spectacular about this book is going to be the noise it makes as it falls off the best seller charts.

As for this chapter--it's a goddamn sex scene. And you know what that means.

Nicca had scooted down low on the bed so he could rest his head on my stomach, his hair spilling out behind him like a cloak of brown silk.

Hair fetish: Check.

“From the look on your face,” Rhys said, “I’m not sure whether you mean as food or sex.”
Food fetish: Check.

“It was never my wager,” I said, “and the next time you make wagers with my body as prize, you should think long and hard before you do so without asking me first.”
Non-con kink: Ch---whoa whoa wait a goddamn second here. Is that an LKH female exhibiting agency? Policing her own body? Saying no and making it stick? Oh, be still my beating heart!

“One day of being back to your godhead, and already you’re falling into bad habits,” I said.
I'm sorry. All that godhead shit makes me think is that Rhys has priapism. After a 'godhead' lasting more than four hours, you need to go see a doctor.

Sage touches Merry, and this sends orgasmic thrills through ALL OF THEM.

...why is orgasm-via-touch such a hardline fantasy? LKH has it in spades, but I've seen it in other sources. I'd think that an orgasm without the preliminary build up would just feel like a sneeze through the wrong orifice...

 He wrapped his legs around my wrist and I was suddenly aware that he wore nothing under his gossamer skirt. He was tiny, but the touch of that bit of sex felt more intimate than it should have, more important than it should ever have been.
Oooooh somebody went to this sex scene commando. God forbid the barbie-doll sized fairy rapist forget to raid Ken's wardrobe for underoos. But seriously, where the fuck would the sex crazed tinkerbell knockoff get underwear from? That's a human affectation that isn't even endemic to all of humanity. Why is Merry expecting sage to wear breifs?

Also: Laurel, you are a grown ass woman. It's not a "bit of sex". It's a dick. You need to use your words.

We are treated to the lovely imagry of Sage humping Merry's wrist. You're welcome.

Were the flowers as joyful to be ridden?
I felt Rhys’s pulse like a distant line of music, a bass rhythm that you heard only through the walls at night, as you lay in your bed, and wondered where it was coming from.
Laurell's neighbors started a garage band. Either that, or her kid was listening to Daft Punk late at night.

We then are treated to another ambiguiously described penis scene. It is probably supposed to be Rhys dry-humping Merry's hip, but it seriously sounds like he's just impaled her.

My body pulsed white as if I’d swallowed the moon,
This is about the third time Merry has done that. You'd think she'd learn.

Nicca had begun to glow softly , the wing tattoo on his back pulsing faint traces of pink and blue and cream, and black. It was only the beginnings of his power, the first promise.
LKH has consistantly described Nicca's butterfly-wing birthmark as a tattoo. This irks me. A tattoo is a thing you have to have done to you. A birthmark, which is what Nicca has, is something you are born with. This basic misunderstanding of terms irks me.

He screamed, a second before he spilled over me in a scalding wave that flowed and dripped down my hip.

One: nobody has that much semen in their penis.

Two: Apparently Rhys is not dead-eye dick with his...erm...dick.

 And then Sage feeds on Nicca, and...things...happen. That involve a lot of screaming and clawing and Merry's Magic Vag of Holding gets involved somehow, and the only thing that makes anything near coherant sense is that Nicca's birthmark turns into for-real wings, for real, while Sage blows up to full size because why not.

And then Merry gives Sage his promised blow job while Nicca has traditional intercourse.

I have no idea how safe or fun that might be, but it sounds uncomfortable as fuck to me. Correct me if I am wrong.

I swallowed sunlight over and over; and the sun beat between my legs, and above all of it their wings shimmered, the colors dancing, fleeing through the air, until I saw that the room was full of butterflies carved of neon and power.
Wow. Just...WOW. Merry is literally shooting sunshine and rainbows out of her vagina.

Then there's something about Nicca and Sage...erm...meeting in the middle and burning Merry to death, so I can't be sure but I think their penises just turned into lava. Either that or LKH really sucks at writing sex scenes.

Now, there is one point in all of this where Nicca's wings basically pump themselves out like a newborn butterfly's, which is a nice image, but it's immediately before sex. So logistically Nicca should have damaged the fuck out of his new wings, because those suckers need time to stabalize and harden.

 The chapter ends with them all realizing that Sage is now Sidhe. He's got the mood ring eyes and everything.

6 comments:

  1. "It's a dick. You need to use your words." ahahaha

    They're having sex in a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper

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  2. I spit out my tea when I hit the "The Penis Is Lava" part :) Also, is the sun is beating between her legs, does that mean she's going to have a sunburned snatch? Because 1) OW and 2) DEAR GODS NO. Gah. What a way to take a reader out of a moment (if they were in the moment in the first place, I guess.

    Also, er, if one is into the Eiffel Tower as a thing, there are ways to do it that are comfy. It's very distracting, though, and I can't imagine someone keeping up a detailed internal monologue during without accidentally hurting someone.

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  3. chapter 12? Why it doesn't show?

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    1. Hi Anon

      chapter twelve should be here http://creativedoubledipper.blogspot.com/2014/05/seduced-by-moonlight-chapter-12.html

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  4. The “three babies, eight fathers” thing actually doesn’t bother me at all. I mean, they’re fairies and gods and it’s magic and stuff, I figure it’s just a given that the regular rules wouldn’t apply.

    Wait, Sage is the size of a doll? SOMEHOW I HAD MISSED THAT UP UNTIL NOW AHAHAHA

    ..the flowers? What, does he pollinate them like a fucking bee?

    Scalding wave? That sounds HORRIBLE

    That scene doesn’t read as arousing so much as LSD-induced

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    1. I think what bugs me is how little LKH wants to commit to something. She doesn't want any of her characters to be unhappy--EVER. Problem with that is, Merry loves ALL of her men, and she can only be married to one. A good, logical plot would be to have Merry go "fuck that shit" and smash all the rules to itty bitty pieces because most of these rules are FUCKING WRONG. But that would involve politics and probably dead people, so instead, LKH has multiple baby daddies. Instead of dealing with the consequences of her world-building, which is, you know, THE ENTIRE POINT OF WORLD BUILDING, LKH just draws a back door into the corner.

      I was kind of hoping for plot's sake that Baby-Daddy Three would be Taranis. It's an awful thing to hope for, seeing as how he raped her at one point, but the politics would have given the book, you know, A PLOT. But what I read implies that's not the case.

      Yep. Sage is the size of a doll. I swear to fucking God this series is "Let's represent ALL THE KINKS...badly."

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