Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Cerulean Sins--Chapter 34

If the universe had any irony, this would be a porn chapter. It isn't. Instead, Anita is watching the people watching her through binoculars. As in she has the binoculars. Somehow she got a good enough look at them during the car sex, the physical injury and the psychic melodrama to recognize the two dudes in a different car.Which is weird because even the text kind of acknowledges she couldn't see jack shit before.

They’d switched so the blond was driving. With the binocs I could see that he looked youngish, under forty, over twenty-five. He was clean shaven, wearing a black mock turtleneck and silver frame glasses. His eyes were pale, gray, or grayish blue.

Wow. and you are able to tell that these are the same guys as earlier. Because its not like there could be more than two of these creeps, is it?

Also: HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU SEE HIS EYE COLOR FROM ACROSS THE FUCKING PARKING LOT? Where did those Binoculars come from? "Laser precision Imaging R Us?"

Anita then monologues about how the potential baddies have done everything right, which obviously they haven't, because Anita knows its them. And then we found out that there is something called Kasey Krime Stoppers 101. Because, to quote Linkara, Poor Literacy is KEwl. Especially when it crosses into racist territory (I once went to a diner that was something like Karls Kountry Korner. I later found out it was a meeting place for the local branch of the KKK. North Texas has that. South Texas doesn't, far as I know.)

Oh, and Bobby Lee is explaining all this to Anita, because the uber tough super woman obviously wouldn't know basic tailing techniques.

Anita figures these aren't vampire servants because they're being smart about tailing her. Uh...she saw them. No, they're not being smart. They're sitting in a parking lot not doing anything, and Anita isn't the brightest tool in the box anymore. Oh, five books ago she would have taken these dudes and used their intestines for wrapping paper, but right now, when Bobby Lee asks her what she wants to do about these two and Anita figures he's talking about Asher and Jean Claude.

Anyhoo, Anita lets Bobby Lee and Claudia, who has just walked up, that she's probably "losing her nerve for this shit." What's that? SANITY FROM ANITA? This gets buried under a description of how burly-but-all-girl Claudia got shot up during the Chimera incident. And please note: Bobby Lee was the upgrade from Claudia. Because you know, guy bodyguards are better than girl body guards. /sarcasm.


This is where the Master of the City sleeps. There should be more armed things here than at Fort Knox. OF COURSE THEY HAVE A FUCKING LOOKOUT. Why are we regressing to kindergarten level?

Claudia is going to be bait in their plan, because you know, she can put on girl clothes and nobody will suspect a thing. This segues into a discussion of sexism that is about as realistic as a pony pinata. Mostly because it's all this shit:

Since I wasn’t a man, I took Bobby Lee’s word that the bad guys would panic less if one of the people involved in our mock accident was a woman. I had to admit that even I was less physically afraid of another woman, but it seemed wrong somehow. Claudia threw a man’s pale blue shirt over her jeans and buttoned it up, even the sleeves. She left enough buttons undone in front to flash some cleavage, then she took the tie out of her hair. She shook her hair out, and it fell around her face, over her shoulders, in a slick, brunette flood. The hair softened the strong lines of her face, and I suddenly had a glimpse of what she might look like if she put any effort into being a traditional girl. Spectacular was the word that came to mind.

WOW. Hey, did she tie the shirt up under her breasts, too? For that traditional "WHOOPS I BORROWED MY BOYFRIENDS CLOTHES" look? Oh, and hey, there's such a thing as a "traditional girl". I did not know this. How much you want to bet it's like that "traditional publishing" bullshit Publish America coined as part of their sales pitch? (Would be writers: Look it up.)

And of course, Bobby Lee starts drooling because OMG HE NEVER KNEW CLAUDIA WAS PRETTY.

The irony here is nobody's acknowledging the other half of this equation. They're gonna have a fake accident and they're using Claudia to soften the stranger danger up because everybody underestimates girls. You know what else they could do? Put somebody clean cut into a suit, give him fancy shoes and an expensive phone, and have him slam something shiny into something that isn't. People underestimate rich dudes as much as they do pretty girls. Because the guy version of "you look so hot" is "you look so rich". Maybe they don't come rushing over with tire jacks and socket wrenches quite as fast, but somebody shouting curse words down a cell phone and calling the other guy every one of the Seven Dirty words is going to fly just as far under the radar as a pretty cheerleader will.

Social engeneering: It's not just sexism anymore.

Oh yeah, the chapter's over. That's all we've accomplished. Sexism.

I hate this book.


  1. "Social engeneering: It's not just sexism


  2. " had to admit that even I was less physically afraid of another woman, but it seemed wrong somehow."

    Remember the bit in NiC where Claudia is described as being like 6'6 and a bruiser? But now she's going to be less intimidating to passer by just because she happens to have a vagina?