Thursday, April 11, 2013

Cerulean Sins--chapter 25

I am severely tempted to do Guilty Pleasures on the blog, because I'm having trouble believing that the book could have been half as good as I remember. But then I read this little bit, and I was like...well, maybe it was:

I LOVED THE new shower that I’d had installed in the downstairs master bathroom. One of the bear lycanthropes in town turned out to be a plumber. I’d still paid full price, but at least I knew he wouldn’t be asking stupid questions about my living arrangements. I liked a good long bath when the occasion called for it, but at heart I was a shower girl.
It isn't much on the surface, I know. It's not a great dramatic moment or even a particularly well written paragraph. It's normal, and that's why it's good. It gives you the idea that it is completely normal for a were-bear to work as a plumber, and be hired by a necromancer because the were-bear is less likely to ask pointed questions about the woman's personal life. It gives you a frame of reference, in this case plumbing, to understand the scope of this world's insanity. You don't get that scope with vampires being sexy sexy villians and werewolves howling at the moon. You get that by having vampire tax accountants and were-bear plumbers.

LKH can do that. She's always been able to do that. This could have been a good book, guys. Think about it.

Anita rambles on for a couple paragraphs about her "moral decay" because having harsh truths pointed out to her bothers her more than the sex did. Yeah. Having sex with people does not = moral decay. Going against your morals indicates moral decay. If you are doing that, you either need to reconsider your lifestyle or re-prioritize your moral system. Also, I don't remember any "harsh emotional truths" being discussed, other than Richard. It was mostly about where Jason's dick registered when compared to Micah, Jean Claude, and Asher's fangs.

And then it goes back to Richard. And her fiancee, who dumped her for not being white enough. And her stepmother, who never let her forget that she wasn't white enough. Laurel, I read the comics that you approved of (in the store. I read them in the store) and I have to say: either Anita is white, or she passes well enough that it doesn't matter for shit. And then it goes back to "The author is working out her issues in her public, professionally published novel series" with this little gem:

People had spent my lifetime rejecting me for things I could not change about myself.
Yeah. No. Sorry. You don't win the door prize on this one. I am willing to buy a great many things in Anita's past, because also in Anita's past is a nine-book streak of awesomeness. Maybe she has been rejected for being mixed race, which for the record is a terrible thing to do to a person. Maybe she has been rejected for her necromancy, which she was born with and can't help. But this is about recent rejection. Anita not only betrayed Richard during his moment of need--the whole "eating the former alpha" thing--and had oral sex with his romantic rival, she fucking straight up raped him. You know what a good indicator of moral decay is? When you fucking rape your lover and then blame them for not being able to cope with you being their rapist. That's it. That's how you know you've hit bottom and there's nowhere left to go. The only thing preventing Anita from being arrested for rape is that forced envelopment is not a thing, legally. So yeah. Not being 100% pureblood white? You can't change that. Being a sexual predator? That's not people's prejudices running against you, sweetie pie. That's humanity's instinct towards self preservation kicking in.

And then, when Anita is huddled on the floor of the shower going "WHY DOES EVERYONE LEAVE ME?!" the wolf pack brings Richard into the house!

The stages of reading an Anita Blake book.
Yeah, Musette's drain on Jean Claude, the one that backfired on Anita? You know, the plot of the whole book? Yeah, that was on Richard all day too. So now he's passed out and cold and the crew needs to stick him in Anita's hot tub to warm him back up.

Anita tries to tell them no, but the pack convinces her there isn't another hot tub in the entire city of St. Louis that they could take him to. Because, you know, it's not like needing a hot tub is something the pack commonly...oh. Well, it isn't like the pack is full of eight hundred individuals, some of whom are professionals with big salaries who could afford...oh. And it's not like the people who don't have big paychecks couldn't pool their funds and...yeah, you get the point. This is LKH's excuse for akward plot development, and it works about as well as you'd expect.

Anita backs out of the bathroom so she doesn't have to look at Richard. She even gets her petty last word in by refusing, dear blog readers, refusing to turn the water on so that Richard won't die of energy exhaustion the way she almost did a few hours ago.

End of chapter.

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