I love rain, I love weather, I love the apps on my phone that tell me that we're under a ...funnel cloud watch...? This is a thing?
Huh. This is a thing. Interesting.
It's been a bizzare year for weather at CW's house, ladies and gents. First, we've had more rain this year, which is good because we're also hot. Oh, did I say hot? I meant HOT. We've broke the 100+ barrier already and it is only JUNE. IT IS STILL ONLY FREAKING JUNE.
May came with tornadoes. South Texas doesn't usually get them, you know? But we did. A weak one, that killed power lines and fences, and also? My love of weather? I've discovered that when the electricity AND the cell phone service fail at exactly the same time? That love dies and I go hide under the couch. Just sayin'.
And tomorrow we are supposed to get DRENCHED. Yay! Seriously. I love weather (and god please god please oh please oh please let it rain ALL DAY and especially hardest from five to nine tomorrow night. We already have FIVE big reservations, and five reservations is restaurant for "we're fucked."
Plans for book are continuing as scheduled. :D
Friday, June 29, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Daily Grind...stuff
Okay. Having made the Big Scary Announcement, it is time to do housecleaning. I have a plan. The bare, thin bones of one, anyway. And part of that plan is getting this place up and working again, get my twitter dusted off, and (gag me) using Facebook again.
I hate facebook. But, as we were saying...
This also means putting up all the artwork I've been sitting on for the past year or so. There's a lot of it. Not as much as I'd like for there to be, but it is there. And oooh, there's a finished one I've been sitting on for, like, FOREVER:
Go here to check it out.
Interestingly enough, I was more scared of making the announcement than I was of actually DOING it. Mostly, because I feel people have expectations of me that I had to fit. You guys? Have been amazingly supportive in just the last 24hrs. It gives me hope.
Just don't go away on me, guys. I need ya. You have no idea how bad.
I hate facebook. But, as we were saying...
This also means putting up all the artwork I've been sitting on for the past year or so. There's a lot of it. Not as much as I'd like for there to be, but it is there. And oooh, there's a finished one I've been sitting on for, like, FOREVER:
 |
| Snagged off my DA page 'cause I'm too lazy to resize. |
Interestingly enough, I was more scared of making the announcement than I was of actually DOING it. Mostly, because I feel people have expectations of me that I had to fit. You guys? Have been amazingly supportive in just the last 24hrs. It gives me hope.
Just don't go away on me, guys. I need ya. You have no idea how bad.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Announcement+thoughts
I am about to do something that is either brilliant, hope-giving and encouraging, or completely and utterly stupid. Something that everyone I've talked to, who is a pro, has told me not to do, and yet something that my instincts tell me might, maybe, possibly, by a tiny tiny tiny chance, be the best thing I can do for my career.
Give me a minute. I need to get my guts up to do this.
*deep breath*
Give me a minute. I need to get my guts up to do this.
*deep breath*
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Not dead
Depression sucks. Spending two SOLID MONTHS in it? Sucks even harder. Not saying it's over now, but I am enthusiastic enough about my life now to dedicate a blog post to it.
(And for once, I can't really point at any identifiable trigger for the depression. Chemicals. And work. More work than chemicals, probably)
Work has been...slow. Winter in south texas DOES equal an influx of (old) people (sorry snowbirds, but if I go for a bike ride, six different people almost run me over and four of them have white hair, it's the kind of thing you notice. But to the young woman who ONLY looked left before she pulled out, thus almost hitting the cyclist on the sidewalk (I know I know, bikes shouldn't be on sidewalks, but we have no bike lanes on the highways and I don't want to be strawberry mush) because she couldn't be arsed to look right? Fuck you. I could have been a kid, that was a big ass truck you were driving, and you wouldn't have seen an eight year old running after something at the last second the way you did me. Also, this hypothetical tot wouldn't have gotten the hell out of your way like I did, because kids are not fast like bikes are. Remember what you learned in kindergarten next time, and look BOTH ways. Driving cars does not absolve you of that responsability. And Again: FUCK. YOU.)
My boss, on the other hand, has proven that She. IS. AWESOME. It is not often that a boss will call a customer an idiot TO HER FACE (online) but when they do...it doesn't hurt that we were already talking about this particular lady BEFORE she posted a bad review of the very thing that made her an idiot. Her complaint was that we didn't know what a Cosmo was. Which would be reasonable IF (reasons in order of stupid):
1.The waitress wasn't two weeks new, having never worked at a restaurant before.
2. The waitress wasn't twenty years old. That is, too young to drink AND too young to remember (and have watched or been interested in) Sex in the City. (trust me. She's a nice girl, she looks cool, but you only have to look at her to know she never came within sixteen miles of watching Sex and the City) the show that made Cosmos into a Thing.
3. IF WE ACTUALLY HAD A FULL FUCKING BAR. Apparently, not having a full collection of booze is the most offensive thing a restaurant can do. Yes, eaters of the world, we, the waitstaff of this humble, family-owned restaurant, went out of our way to PERSONALLY INCONVIENCE YOU by not carrying liquor AND not knowing what your muddle of a drink is.
I actually watched this happen, and it was kind of amazing. New girl hands woman menu, woman hands it back, demands Cosmo. The waitress, not knowing that a Cosmo contains vodka, takes the order and then has to go back to the table to explain that we cannot serve strong liquors here, as we have no liquor licence AND NEVER HAD. We had NO indications that we served anything other than beer and wine. I will concede that having to go back to the table was the error on our part, but the girl literally did not know that a Cosmo was something we could not legally make. Lady then goes berzerk. How DARE we not know what a cosmo is. How DARE we not be able to serve it to her when she condescended to explain it to us. How DARE we not have a full bar. She got up and left. Good riddance, says the boss. We don't need people like that in here anyway.
And then we read the review and found out something interesting: Cosmo-lady had been here before. And loved it.
Thing is? Up until recently, we've NEVER had a liquor licence. We've NEVER been able to serve anything stronger than Port or Sake. So the first time she was here? There would have been no Cosmo. Come three years ago? No Cosmo. Ironically, about a week later? We DID get our liquor licence, though we lied our ass off to customers and said it was still in the pipe (Had to buy the booze before we could serve it. Oh, and Fun Fact time! Texas law requires you buy restuarant booze from a liquor shop licenced to sell to restaurants. So if the only licenced shop in your county is the single worst store in said county? And they give you a really pathetic bulk discount? And continually either forget portions of your order or get the wrong stuff? Tough shit.)
So if Cosmo-Lady had come in AFTER we got the licence, installed the bar and purchased the booze? She could reasonably have held us accountable for not knowing what a Cosmo was (vodka, cranberry juice, something else I forgot. We don't get a lot of orders for the things). But she would never have known that her waitress didn't have a clue what a Cosmo was, because we also got a couple of great cheat books to go by, and when someone orders an incomprehensible mess, we can either figure out what the hell it is, or fake it.
So no, Lady. Even if the waitress had been a fully trained bartender with awards for her skills and services, you would not have gotten your boozed up cranberry juice. You would have been told that immediately (Sorry, beer/wine only!) but you wouldn't have gotten it. You can complain about bad service. You can complain about the decor (though why you would want to is beyond me) and you can complain about the food. But it's REALLY unreasonable to complain that you didn't get something that, by law, we cannot give you.
It's like the more recent time when a pair of customers threw the menu back in my face and asked for something not on the menu at all. I think it was bacon wrapped shrimp. Sounds awesome, and IF they were someone we knew and IF it were not a busy-as-hell Friday night (time taken out to wrap shrimp in bacon is time better spent making the things that ARE on the menu that we ARE prepped for, for regular customers who don't have the brass-faced gall to dictate our menu to us) I might have tried to sweet talk the cook into doing it. IF the customers had not gotten bitchy with me for not immediately going "OH, Sure! I'll just zip on over and ask the cook to make something he's never made before on the busiest night of the week!" and instead saying, "Uh...I have no idea what that is" (they didn't even say "Shrimp wrapped in bacon", but gave it the title we apply to fish in crawfish sauce. And we have several other dishes named things that mean something completely different in another restaurant. How the fuck should I be able to translate your Dish X into "Shrimp wrapped in Bacon" when Dish X means something else here?) "but I'll see if we can do it."
This is like going up to a foot doctor and, spur of the moment, asking him to operate on your kidneys. He could probably do it if he had to, but probably not the way you want it, and it's not a very smart thing to do. And if the doctor, or in this case, the cook, is not your friend and is already elbows deep in the stuff he IS good at doing? Door's over there. Don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out.
*deep breath*
Okay. I'm better now. And having a boss that will back you to the hilt on both occasions? IS. AWESOME.
(And for once, I can't really point at any identifiable trigger for the depression. Chemicals. And work. More work than chemicals, probably)
Work has been...slow. Winter in south texas DOES equal an influx of (old) people (sorry snowbirds, but if I go for a bike ride, six different people almost run me over and four of them have white hair, it's the kind of thing you notice. But to the young woman who ONLY looked left before she pulled out, thus almost hitting the cyclist on the sidewalk (I know I know, bikes shouldn't be on sidewalks, but we have no bike lanes on the highways and I don't want to be strawberry mush) because she couldn't be arsed to look right? Fuck you. I could have been a kid, that was a big ass truck you were driving, and you wouldn't have seen an eight year old running after something at the last second the way you did me. Also, this hypothetical tot wouldn't have gotten the hell out of your way like I did, because kids are not fast like bikes are. Remember what you learned in kindergarten next time, and look BOTH ways. Driving cars does not absolve you of that responsability. And Again: FUCK. YOU.)
My boss, on the other hand, has proven that She. IS. AWESOME. It is not often that a boss will call a customer an idiot TO HER FACE (online) but when they do...it doesn't hurt that we were already talking about this particular lady BEFORE she posted a bad review of the very thing that made her an idiot. Her complaint was that we didn't know what a Cosmo was. Which would be reasonable IF (reasons in order of stupid):
1.The waitress wasn't two weeks new, having never worked at a restaurant before.
2. The waitress wasn't twenty years old. That is, too young to drink AND too young to remember (and have watched or been interested in) Sex in the City. (trust me. She's a nice girl, she looks cool, but you only have to look at her to know she never came within sixteen miles of watching Sex and the City) the show that made Cosmos into a Thing.
3. IF WE ACTUALLY HAD A FULL FUCKING BAR. Apparently, not having a full collection of booze is the most offensive thing a restaurant can do. Yes, eaters of the world, we, the waitstaff of this humble, family-owned restaurant, went out of our way to PERSONALLY INCONVIENCE YOU by not carrying liquor AND not knowing what your muddle of a drink is.
I actually watched this happen, and it was kind of amazing. New girl hands woman menu, woman hands it back, demands Cosmo. The waitress, not knowing that a Cosmo contains vodka, takes the order and then has to go back to the table to explain that we cannot serve strong liquors here, as we have no liquor licence AND NEVER HAD. We had NO indications that we served anything other than beer and wine. I will concede that having to go back to the table was the error on our part, but the girl literally did not know that a Cosmo was something we could not legally make. Lady then goes berzerk. How DARE we not know what a cosmo is. How DARE we not be able to serve it to her when she condescended to explain it to us. How DARE we not have a full bar. She got up and left. Good riddance, says the boss. We don't need people like that in here anyway.
And then we read the review and found out something interesting: Cosmo-lady had been here before. And loved it.
Thing is? Up until recently, we've NEVER had a liquor licence. We've NEVER been able to serve anything stronger than Port or Sake. So the first time she was here? There would have been no Cosmo. Come three years ago? No Cosmo. Ironically, about a week later? We DID get our liquor licence, though we lied our ass off to customers and said it was still in the pipe (Had to buy the booze before we could serve it. Oh, and Fun Fact time! Texas law requires you buy restuarant booze from a liquor shop licenced to sell to restaurants. So if the only licenced shop in your county is the single worst store in said county? And they give you a really pathetic bulk discount? And continually either forget portions of your order or get the wrong stuff? Tough shit.)
So if Cosmo-Lady had come in AFTER we got the licence, installed the bar and purchased the booze? She could reasonably have held us accountable for not knowing what a Cosmo was (vodka, cranberry juice, something else I forgot. We don't get a lot of orders for the things). But she would never have known that her waitress didn't have a clue what a Cosmo was, because we also got a couple of great cheat books to go by, and when someone orders an incomprehensible mess, we can either figure out what the hell it is, or fake it.
So no, Lady. Even if the waitress had been a fully trained bartender with awards for her skills and services, you would not have gotten your boozed up cranberry juice. You would have been told that immediately (Sorry, beer/wine only!) but you wouldn't have gotten it. You can complain about bad service. You can complain about the decor (though why you would want to is beyond me) and you can complain about the food. But it's REALLY unreasonable to complain that you didn't get something that, by law, we cannot give you.
It's like the more recent time when a pair of customers threw the menu back in my face and asked for something not on the menu at all. I think it was bacon wrapped shrimp. Sounds awesome, and IF they were someone we knew and IF it were not a busy-as-hell Friday night (time taken out to wrap shrimp in bacon is time better spent making the things that ARE on the menu that we ARE prepped for, for regular customers who don't have the brass-faced gall to dictate our menu to us) I might have tried to sweet talk the cook into doing it. IF the customers had not gotten bitchy with me for not immediately going "OH, Sure! I'll just zip on over and ask the cook to make something he's never made before on the busiest night of the week!" and instead saying, "Uh...I have no idea what that is" (they didn't even say "Shrimp wrapped in bacon", but gave it the title we apply to fish in crawfish sauce. And we have several other dishes named things that mean something completely different in another restaurant. How the fuck should I be able to translate your Dish X into "Shrimp wrapped in Bacon" when Dish X means something else here?) "but I'll see if we can do it."
This is like going up to a foot doctor and, spur of the moment, asking him to operate on your kidneys. He could probably do it if he had to, but probably not the way you want it, and it's not a very smart thing to do. And if the doctor, or in this case, the cook, is not your friend and is already elbows deep in the stuff he IS good at doing? Door's over there. Don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out.
*deep breath*
Okay. I'm better now. And having a boss that will back you to the hilt on both occasions? IS. AWESOME.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Dear Julia Roberts
You're a good actress. Admittedly you do one role. Cute. Akward. Giggly. America's Sweetheart--okay, in that one movie you were actually her sister, but there is no way in hell anyone thought they were talking about Catherine Zeta-Jones when they started pitching that movie, you know? But to get back to my point...you're a good actress. Good. And you have to know how to pick scripts that display your abilities to their fullest. Like, you know, America's Sweethearts. (I refuse to see Eat, Pray, Love. I know it's probably a good movie, but watching a rich white woman act in a movie about a rich white woman who talked her publisher into paying for her world tour isn't my idea of a good hour spent, ya know?)
So I have one question: HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY MENTAL???
Jesus. I have to go take a shower now. Back in five.
Okay, let's start with the endurable stuff: It's costume porn, the sets are awesome, and the CGI castle doesn't make me want to rupture something from the wincing. Which I did thirty seconds in, when I heard someone say the words blah blah blah in a fantasy movie. One that isn't Shrek related. Although this is less kissing cousins to Shrek and more that one guy who lives up in the mountains with his mother and his sister (They're the same bloody person)
...
(How about the shop, then?) /hot fuzz quote
Anyway, I get that Shrek and it's offshoots are popular, having modern in-jokes in fantasy material is equally popular, but you know what? There's a demographic you're supposed to be courting, given that this is competing with another, identical movie. And I hate Kirsten Stewart. I hate sitting through Twilight Movies (GODDAMN YOU LIONSGATE FOR PUTTING HUNGER GAMES TRAILER IN FRONT OF BREAKING DAWN you will suffer for this I promise you) (Yes I know I can watch it on Youtube)(I already have) (I'm still going to see it on the big screen) (I am that obsessed) and watching KStew stumble through her horrible dialogue. Snow White and the Huntsman is now officially on my Please God Don't Let it Suck prayer list. Because it looked that awesome. (Probably because she didn't talk)
I get that studio executives somewhere heard that a Snow White movie was being made, and they decided the best thing they could do is make a competing Snow White movie so that people intending to see KStew would go see this one (let's be honest here. I can smell the slapped together desperation through my laptop) and get a big name actress to give it some form of legitimacy. But lemme let you in on a little secret: The villian? Should not get top billing in the picture. Because I do not care yet. Well, unless your goal was to make me want the villain dead, because if that's the case they've done a pretty good job. This means that 1. there was nobody famous in the right age range for Snow White, who was desperate enough to take the role. 2. they had to make do with what they could get.
But there's a huge difference between "make do with what we can get" and "HEY! JULIA ROBERTS!"
I will probably wind up seeing SWatH because it looks awesome. This? Does not look awesome. This is a version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves that contains a fucking midget joke. It contains Tony Montana references (AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME) and everything else sucking combined could not begin to compare with how much you suck in this trailer, Julia.
I haven't seen the movie yet. I don't intend to go see the movie yet, because I'm REALLY tired of Hollywood dressing up fresh steaming turds with the Brother's Grimm and us fantasy fans having to make do.
Why are are you in this, Julia? Seriously. I was warned. Don't watch this. It's horrible. I watched it. And I'm going, hey, it's not so bad. Cliched, a little overly polished--and then you open your mouth and I go "huh?" My jaw dropped. The evil nega-fan within me stared in horror and then began rocking in the corner. I had to check my laptop to make sure it hadn't begun to bleed out the USB ports.
Were you blackmailed? Please tell me you were blackmailed. And then tell the world what it was, because whatever it was it can't possibly be as bad as having to see you in this movie. I know you have kids now (I think) and that you'd like to make movies your kids can watch. Please see the above part where I mentioned this has a midget joke in it. Probably more than one. (And let's not even mention the Snow white, S'no way joke. Seriously. If we never mention this again I can probably block it out forever). I know that using little people as the butt of the joke is kind of the latest modern fad, but blackface was pretty popular for a while there, too.
And aging beauty jokes? Seriously? Julia, you might have a couple lines that you would call wrinkles, but not only will no one else on the planet ever notice them, a little botox will buff that right out (oh god, there's going to be a botox joke in this, isn't there? I know it. I just fucking know it. I'm going to come back in six months and write in, yep, there was a botox joke). And Julia, I hate to break it to you, but there is no way in FUCK you'd ever need a corset. E.V.E.R. Let alone need to have it be wrenched together.
I am hoping desperately this is a terrible hoax, and that you were blackmailed into participation in this terrible hoax, and that I never have to see that thing again.
I'm going to go wash my blog out with holy water now.
So I have one question: HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY MENTAL???
Jesus. I have to go take a shower now. Back in five.
Okay, let's start with the endurable stuff: It's costume porn, the sets are awesome, and the CGI castle doesn't make me want to rupture something from the wincing. Which I did thirty seconds in, when I heard someone say the words blah blah blah in a fantasy movie. One that isn't Shrek related. Although this is less kissing cousins to Shrek and more that one guy who lives up in the mountains with his mother and his sister (They're the same bloody person)
...
(How about the shop, then?) /hot fuzz quote
Anyway, I get that Shrek and it's offshoots are popular, having modern in-jokes in fantasy material is equally popular, but you know what? There's a demographic you're supposed to be courting, given that this is competing with another, identical movie. And I hate Kirsten Stewart. I hate sitting through Twilight Movies (GODDAMN YOU LIONSGATE FOR PUTTING HUNGER GAMES TRAILER IN FRONT OF BREAKING DAWN you will suffer for this I promise you) (Yes I know I can watch it on Youtube)(I already have) (I'm still going to see it on the big screen) (I am that obsessed) and watching KStew stumble through her horrible dialogue. Snow White and the Huntsman is now officially on my Please God Don't Let it Suck prayer list. Because it looked that awesome. (Probably because she didn't talk)
I get that studio executives somewhere heard that a Snow White movie was being made, and they decided the best thing they could do is make a competing Snow White movie so that people intending to see KStew would go see this one (let's be honest here. I can smell the slapped together desperation through my laptop) and get a big name actress to give it some form of legitimacy. But lemme let you in on a little secret: The villian? Should not get top billing in the picture. Because I do not care yet. Well, unless your goal was to make me want the villain dead, because if that's the case they've done a pretty good job. This means that 1. there was nobody famous in the right age range for Snow White, who was desperate enough to take the role. 2. they had to make do with what they could get.
But there's a huge difference between "make do with what we can get" and "HEY! JULIA ROBERTS!"
I will probably wind up seeing SWatH because it looks awesome. This? Does not look awesome. This is a version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves that contains a fucking midget joke. It contains Tony Montana references (AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME) and everything else sucking combined could not begin to compare with how much you suck in this trailer, Julia.
I haven't seen the movie yet. I don't intend to go see the movie yet, because I'm REALLY tired of Hollywood dressing up fresh steaming turds with the Brother's Grimm and us fantasy fans having to make do.
Why are are you in this, Julia? Seriously. I was warned. Don't watch this. It's horrible. I watched it. And I'm going, hey, it's not so bad. Cliched, a little overly polished--and then you open your mouth and I go "huh?" My jaw dropped. The evil nega-fan within me stared in horror and then began rocking in the corner. I had to check my laptop to make sure it hadn't begun to bleed out the USB ports.
Were you blackmailed? Please tell me you were blackmailed. And then tell the world what it was, because whatever it was it can't possibly be as bad as having to see you in this movie. I know you have kids now (I think) and that you'd like to make movies your kids can watch. Please see the above part where I mentioned this has a midget joke in it. Probably more than one. (And let's not even mention the Snow white, S'no way joke. Seriously. If we never mention this again I can probably block it out forever). I know that using little people as the butt of the joke is kind of the latest modern fad, but blackface was pretty popular for a while there, too.
And aging beauty jokes? Seriously? Julia, you might have a couple lines that you would call wrinkles, but not only will no one else on the planet ever notice them, a little botox will buff that right out (oh god, there's going to be a botox joke in this, isn't there? I know it. I just fucking know it. I'm going to come back in six months and write in, yep, there was a botox joke). And Julia, I hate to break it to you, but there is no way in FUCK you'd ever need a corset. E.V.E.R. Let alone need to have it be wrenched together.
I am hoping desperately this is a terrible hoax, and that you were blackmailed into participation in this terrible hoax, and that I never have to see that thing again.
I'm going to go wash my blog out with holy water now.
Monday, October 24, 2011
F**king bugs.
So one thing we always had as kids were praying mantis. es. (Plural form of mantis?) I mean...there is not a cooler bug in the universe. They look like cats designed by aliens, act like cats (ever watched one clean itself?) and eat other bugs that we human things generally don't like. And the other day we found one. "We" being my brother's awesome if slightly ADD girlfriend. And then I found another one. We've never had more than one mantis at a time, so I figured hey, why not, you know? And as having two we-eat-everything-we-see-moving kind of creatures in the same container usually results in one eating the other, we separated them. Number one is as every mantis ought to be. See bug. Eat bug. But the other one... He just kind of ... sat there.
See, the fun of owning a mantis is care and feeding. Emphasis on "feeding". Yes. I am a mean and cold-hearted bitch. But it is cool. And when the mantis won't eat...you get kind of bored. And when you have two mantis...es...is...s...(seriously. Why have autocorrect if it won't spit out the damn word?) And you're bored, you decide to put them together to see what they'll do.
My brother's slightly ADD girlfriend? Put them together about ten minutes ago. As for what they'd do with each other...well...
...yeah.
See, the fun of owning a mantis is care and feeding. Emphasis on "feeding". Yes. I am a mean and cold-hearted bitch. But it is cool. And when the mantis won't eat...you get kind of bored. And when you have two mantis...es...is...s...(seriously. Why have autocorrect if it won't spit out the damn word?) And you're bored, you decide to put them together to see what they'll do.
My brother's slightly ADD girlfriend? Put them together about ten minutes ago. As for what they'd do with each other...well...
Friday, October 21, 2011
Disturbing blog stuff
So we get to check search strings when we look at our stats (yes. I check almost every day, unless I haven't posted in a while. Yes. I'm that much of an attention whore) and I've got a new record for "most disturbing search string"
Megamind porn movie.
MEGAMIND PORN MOVIE.
Megamind porn movie.
MEGAMIND PORN MOVIE.
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